


Three Short of Nineteen

by Ariamaki



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-03-01
Updated: 2011-03-18
Packaged: 2017-10-16 00:49:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/166665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ariamaki/pseuds/Ariamaki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Three Short of Nineteen, OR: <em>A Story In Which The Principle Characters Are Twelve Trolls And Four Humans All Of Whom Are Former Players Of The Game Called Both Sgrub and Sburb Who Are Living Together In The Veil For Several Months As Part Of A Cunning Plan To Defeat Their Hated Foe (But Not That Kind Of Hate (Well, Maybe For Karkat But I Am Rambling Now)) And Spend Their Times In Leisure And Pleasure Thanks To The Human Talent Called Ingenuity.</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Utter Chaos  / Mutual Understanding

**Author's Note:**

> The formatting was broken, now it is fixed. Thank you all for your patience.

**  
\----- Three Short of 19, Part 1-- Utter Chaos  / Mutual Understanding-----   
**   
The sparks of white light fell off of his vision, and he stumbled forward in his dizziness-- Feet clacking from the smooth stone disc to the cold metal tiles, and with a start, John Egbert realized he was the first human to actually step foot here. Shaking off the weirdness of transportalization, he looked up to the small sea of gray faces, a dozen expectant and exploratory glances. He had talked to them all, or close, and here they were...

The sheer variety in their appearances was stunning... Quickly panning his eyes, he saw a tall beefy one in cracked square sunglasses, a thin arrogant-looking one with a purple streak and fins on his face, a cute girl with similar fins and a tiara, a lithe girl with one of those cat-hats, a rather bombed-out looking one with huge horns and face paint, one with robotic legs and even _more_ ridiculous horns, one cackling and not-peering from behind her red glasses, one smiling impossibly wide from under her curled horns and red hood, one with two-tone glasses and four horns, one with tiny stub-horns and a scowl, one in a fashionable blouse and a red spiraling skirt, and one in an orange hood, her many-pupiled eye strangely alluring.

Before John could even ask for introductions, the scowling one stepped up.  
"Great to see the Stupid Let's Ruin Gogdamn _Everything_ committee showed up."  
"Hi Karkat!"  
And so they met for the first time, again.

\-----

The other kids stepped off of the disc, having taken in the same interesting first view of their compatriots, creators, and... Well, friends, for the most part. Rose and Jade, each smiling broadly-- Rose slightly less so, being a bit out of practice-- stood slightly ahead of Dave, who was utterly unreadable behind his shades, as always.

John, however, had just run forward and hugged Karkat, laughing, and the sputtering complaints of the short-horned troll led all of his companions into gales of laughter-- Some of it quite derisive. But they were all here, together, because it was time to meet their creations face-to-face.

Karkat started probing John for answers with one quick question after another, and eventually John calmed him down and stood up. Realizing he had an audience of, honestly, more people then he had ever spoken before at once, ever, he started to blush and stammer a bit.

"Uh, hmm. So, yeah! We're here! And we brought a few things with us that will, um, hopefully make things a bit more comfortable up here?"  
"Yeah, think again fuckass-- Adding you four blobs of pink dead weight to this place is just going to eat up more resources and make shit more ridiculous. So unless you somehow brought a fucking alchemiter connected to your Grist caches up here, I think you've just made everything _worse._ "  
"Oh..." John looked crestfallen at that, but then smiled.

  
"Good thing that we did, then!"

Privately, John rejoiced at the confusion on their faces-- It wasn't a real prank, but a sudden reveal like that was nearly as cool-- And then he pulled out his Dad's stupidly-high-capacity Wallet modus, and retrieved the first card, gently Windy'ing the contents to the empty side of the cross-shaped chamber.

A massive pad, consoles and lasers and platforms, all in the form the entire group found staggeringly familiar-- An Alchemiter, fully functioning and completely upgraded, and most importantly, drawing resources from the grist gathered by the human kids-- Stupidly large amounts, as opposed to the Trolls caches, which were running on fumes.

The face-painted troll spoke up then "...I told you all, motherfucking miracles. Goddamn beautiful."

\------

 _"You're going to be here for **how** long?"_

The hot-blooded shout from Karkat brought the entire group back around again, suddenly interested in what John had just casually said to him.   
"Uh, haha, a couple of months. Why?"

If everyone in the laboratory hadn't already known about Karkat's place on-- or more accurately off-- the hemospectrum from the fight with the Black King, they would have known now: A furious red flush was rolling under his skin, his limbs literally shaking with unbridled rage.

"You...Gog-damned...ARGH!"   
He stormed off then, neither finishing his sentence nor paying much attention to where he walked. He stepped onto the nearest pad, warping away, and a far distant sound, another warp, meant he had probably just went into his private chambers.

John seemed totally beaten down by that: He had hoped Karkat had been a little happier to see them, to know they were safe, and _maybe_ that he had gotten over his whole hate issue. Apparently not. Rose moved forward and squeezed his shoulder, comforting him for a moment, and then the Juggalo spoke up again.

"Hey little dude, no worries- Kar's just like that. Always angry and shit. Anyway, I'm Gamzee-- Totally awesome to finally meet you kids. **HONK**!" The end of his sentence was punctuated with a weird honk-- Almost exactly like a rubber-bulbed metal horn, but spoken.

The first introduction broke what little ice remained after Karkat's fiery explosion, and everyone began a quick spree of short-hand greetings: More formality could come later. Well, not for one of them. Specifically, the ultra-muscular troll with the cracked glasses stepped forward and nodded his head very faintly before speaking.

"You are begrudgingly welcome here in the laboratory, humans. You may call me Equius, despite my station being innately-"   
"Aww come _nyon_ Equius, don't be such a silly! Of course they're purrfectly welcome!"

The interruption of his stilted speech came from the girl in the blue cat-hat, whom John had spoken to very little, if he guessed right. She steps forward, shifting one gloved hand out of her over-long green coat and putting it forward to shake.   
"I'm Nepeta! Don't mind my moirail, he just gets like that, you nyo?"

Jade gave a little squee of joy and stepped forward to accept the offered hand, having been the only kid to talk much to Nepeta before now (barring Jaspersprite, who doesn’t count, of course)   
"I am _so_ glad you are nice in person! I was worried after how awkward things were at first, and then..." She bites her lower lip a little with her overbearing teeth, her nerves showing more then John's. The two of them quickly begin conversing separately, pulling in the finned girl as well.

Without any more introductions actually getting made, the kids and trolls spiraled off, almost by instinct, into the groups they had already formed-- Terezi bouncing between Dave and John, Kanaya speaking in hushed and slightly awed tones with Rose, Vriska bearing down on John with a predatory gaze, and so forth. Aradia and Sollux, however, leave after sharing very brief words with Dave, apparently heading off to talk with Karkat. And, proving that paradox space was, as always, a cruel mistress, this left Eridan in his traditional position-- Forever alone. He sulked off to the wand pile through the well-known "secret" entrance, not realizing he was followed.

\-----

Tavros poked his head into the secret chamber and looks at the despondant totally-not-a-wizard. He steps forward, barely, reaching out his hand... And then he stops and turns away, shoulders slumped. It was no use-- Even Rufio couldn't give him the motivation to do _that._

And, in a tradition in casts this large, our secretive watcher does not realize _he_ was also watched. The large-horned troll walks back to his own room slowly, brushing a hand across the bull-head sign on his chest as he moves, thinking about the past. He enters the door and plops down on the bed, still _so strange_ to actually walk and sit and move freely, but so nice. Barely a few seconds later there was a knock at the door.   
"Uh, who is it?"   
"It's meow, silly!"   
"oh, Uh, come on in."   
Nepeta-- Always really nice, super kind. A bit obsessed with romance, and her whole roleplaying thing, Tavros wasn't so good at. But she was cool.   
"And I brought a furiend!"   
"wait, hu, what?"   
And impulsive. Cool _and impulsive._

To Tavros' shock and worry, Nepeta bounced in through the door, smiling, and trailed by the human girl called Jade. Oh no, no, **anyone** but her right now. He killed her lusus-equivelant and then tried to hit on her,  _bragging_ about it... She forgave him but he was still so paranoid, especially after Vriska... He was thankful for his legs right now so that he could backpedal up his bed like a freaked-out little wriggler.

Nepeta, unaware of why he was flipping his lid, pounced up onto the weird flat beds in this place and curled up. Jade, meanwhile, stepped forward, hands held up in a sign of surrender.   
"So, all things considered, we're OK now, right? Just wanna clear that up before we talk."   
She seems oddly serious-- Straight faced, speaking with a plain tone.   
"uh, Yeah, sure, if that's... If that's OK with you then yes. Please."   
At this she broke into a smile and switched back to acting normal-- All of the strict behavior dropped in favor of giggling and walking over to sit right next to him. If he were in a better state of mind, he would realize that, legs or no, he couldn't leave now-- He was surrounded.

"So, me and Nepeta saw you checking up on the mopey guy... Eridian, I think?"   
"It's, um, Eridan, actually... Wait you what?"   
"Yeah, we saw him stalk off and then you followed him! It was just impawsibly adorable."   
Tavros sighs   
"I mean, I, uhmm... Well, yeah, I did. That was a thing. But... Nothing happened."   
Jade looks a little sad "Shot down?"   
Tavros blushes then, a rather murky shade of brown beneath his grey skin "...No."   
She cocks her head at this, a bit confused "So you..."   
Nepeta sighs "He couldn't do it. Pawsitively _terrible_ at the whole self-esteem thing, our Tavros." She rubs the back of his head at this, earning a bit of a smile.   
At this, the human girl stands and smiles at him-- A warm smile "I think we can fix that..."

\-----

  


A bit later that day and everyone had regrouped, more or less, Karkat still steaming, so that they could set up some kind of organized schedule for using the Alchemiter. Tavros looked even more nervous then usual. John clapped his hands to get attention, and then made a chipper little announcement:   
“OK, so, we set up a schedule for using the Alchemiter!”   
“Why would we fucking need that?”   
Dave sighed and put his arms into a pose Terezi smelled as... vaguely familiar. Arms out, palms up... Like she did when she was explaining stuff! Another point to the coolkid, then.   
“Because you guys are out of grist, so one of -us- has to be here to do the button-pushing, so it uses our shit instead. And we don’t wanna be here all damn day, so organization is king.”   
“I am glad to see you have chosen to bring light onto the natural order of bl00d... Wait.”   
Equius looked closer at the list   
“What is this ridiculousness? The order seems to start with **Sollux** of all people!”   
“We, uh, found this chart showing how you guys connected in your game, so we used that...”   
Eridan took this chance to interrupt before Equius could build up steam   
“Wwait, so you aren’t usin blood order?”   
“Nope!”   
“...Wwell, it could be wworse. OK, so I’m paired with... Tavv? Fuckin _really_?”

Eventually all of the arguments and discussions were quelled, and the kids took turns running the Alchemiter for pairs of trolls at a time, while everyone else milled about nervously outside: The rooms here in the Veil almost seemed furnished to human tastes, not those of the trolls-- No recuperacoons, but beds, furnishings much more consistent with the world they made then the one they lived in. The time flew quickly for Dave, and his shift was over-- Jade’s turn. This left her alone in the room with Tavros and Eridan as they started flipping through their Sylladices, looking over the successful codes those before them had left. Tavros kept nervously looking to Jade, who nodded at him fiercely-- This was his big chance.

“Um, uh, Eridan...”   
“Wwhat is it guttershit?”   
“...” he sighed, defeated, stepping back, but then Jade was there, staring daggers at him-- They had coached him, he could _do_ this!    
He slowly calmed himself and spoke again, this time with an unfamiliar strength to his voice, slow and measured, like he had practiced this line.   
“Eridan. I need to say something.”   
“Wwait, did you lose that vvoice-pausin thing you do, Tavv?”   
“Eridan, I don’t... like when you call me bad things. But I do like when you call me Tavv. And... If you do the first one less, and the second one more, maybe you wouldn’t... have to be alone?”   
He slumped, that one little speech taking every ounce of his will.

Eridan was shocked-- At the forthright gutterblood, at the sudden loss of stutter, at the fact that somebody _liked_ one of his nicknames, and... to be frank, at how _nice_ that solution sounded. How reasonable. So much better then another night in the wand pile. Just let up on this one landdweller-- But they were _all_ landdwwellers now, Fef was right, and she was probably right about him the whole time-- and he could stop being alone. But... Addiction is a powerful thing. Which is why the words that stumbled out of his damn fool mouth next were the biggest shock.   
“That wwould be nice... Tavv.”

Jade’s smile was nearly as broad as the one on Tavros as she watched the display, eventually jumping into the conversation herself, all congratulations and cheerful smiles, quickly ushering the two of them out, together, before the next group came in to make the comforts of home.

\-----

They fell backwards onto Tavros’ bed, the shockingly hot fingers of the aquatic troll twining in his hair, the heat of the kiss equally strong. They had started in the hall, headless of being seen-- Tavros had no dignity to lose, and Eridan no friends to do the same with-- and this alone made Tavros so happy he could have died then and been content. But instead, the rising heat in his crotch, and the sinking pressure in his stomach, told him he was gloriously alive. They separated for a moment, Tavros gulping in air deeply.  
“Is, uh, this OK?”  
“I don’t see wwhy not. Evverybody else does wweird things, it’s my turn.”  
“uhm, Our turn. I think. If that...is OK with you.”  
“...Wwhatevver. Wwe can discuss that later.”  
He ended any argument- Not that the bull-horned troll would have made one- with another kiss, this one more passionate, but inexperienced, his tongue probing a bit, his teeth drawing chocolate-brown blood. Tavros would have complained, but frankly, even with that in mind this was the best he had been treated in such a long time. This was topped seconds later by the amazingly warm hand rubbing up and down against his bulge through his slacks, quickly making things both _very_ comfortable and _very_ uncomfortable at the same time. He gasped through gritted teeth, eyes flaring wide to see the look of almost adorably fierce concentration on Eridan’s face, and stammered out a warning :  
“Eridan, I, um, gonna...”  
“Come on, do it then!”  
Tavros, however, had a little more presence of mind, and shoved Eridan away with a gasp and a few pants, already missing the close contact.  
“Ca... Can’t. No pail. Don’t, um, want a mess. Dinner soon.”  
“...Wwoww, I hadn’t thought about that. Good savve... Tavvros.”  
Hearing his full name in that thick dark accent was almost enough to finish him off right there, but he had more self control than that-- He had to, dealing with Vriska throughout the whole session.  
Eridan suddenly looked so out of place, however, that Tavros leaned up to kiss him, very briefly, before standing.  
“Uhm, later, then?”  
“Yeah.”

\-----

For the first time since the new arrivals that morning, the trolls sat down to eat. And for the first time ever, the four kids sat down together to eat as well. A bunch of the tables had been taken from the computer lab to make a large dining table and a short buffet-style bench: It was cheaper to Alchemize food in bulk, it seemed. The seating order was a messy array of madness, people strewn all over, but it worked out. However, Eridan and Tavros walked in late, to the surprise of several. Terezi sniffed the air a few times, and then began to laugh and cackle, bending over the table to catch her breath. Tavros suddenly looked terribly afraid, and Eridan leaned down next to the blind girl and whispered something. She straightened, wiping a tear of laughter from her face.   
“Hehehe. No worries, fishface. Secret’s safe with me. For now.”

 

Apparently that was good enough for him, because he sat down at one of the two remaining empty seats-- Immediately next to his former moirail, Feferi, and with an empty chair to one side. He pulled it out for Tavros to sit down, and a fork clattered to a plate: Vriska, shocked.   
“W8. Did you just...”   
"Can it, Serket.”   
“Glub! Are you... Fish punning again?”   
“Yeah, I guess so. Bewware my pun-nishing wwit again!”   
“...Might want to get back into practice.”

  


And so the first day ends the way it started: Every person present laughing at one troll. But this time it was not to his embarrassment. In fact, he honestly seemed happy. Maybe for the first time since this game started, in fact.   
And, unseen by the others, his free hand grasps that of the boy beside him, who smiles as well.


	2. Compensation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Jade befriends a fauna and Terezi spills some news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the -lack- of formatting this time around, but I do not want to risk the fic exploding. I will slowly edit it in between writing breaks.  
> Also, if anyone with good Ao3 knowledge can comment and tell me how (if it is at all possible) to make colored text, that would be great.

**\----- Three Short of 19, Part 2-- Compensation-----**

 _TT: I expect utter chaos followed by mutual understanding and possibly compensation and reconfiguration._   
**\--Rose LaLonde, when asked what would occur when all 16 players met in person**

 

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at (TIME REDACTED)

gC: H3H3H3H3  
tG: ah fuck no, I cant even escape these chats by flying into space  
tG: oh wait Im up here with you  
tG: why are you still chatting at me over a computer?  
gC: 1M K1ND OF... OCCUP13D R1GHT NOW H4H4  
tG: what could you possibly be busy with at this damn time of night?  
gC: K4RK13, 4 L1TTL3 LOW3R PL34S3  
tg: ...what.  
gC: ...  
gC: OH FUCK WRONG W1NDOW! MY B4D D4V3 >:]  
tG: ...  
tG: oh jegus no, not getting involved in creepy troll cybering.

turntechGodhead [TG] blocked gallowsCalibrator [GC]

gC: >:[

arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

aC: :33 gC: WOW K1TT3N, WH4TS GOT YOU SO 3XH4UST3D?  
aC: ...you will NOT believe what i am about to tell you.  
gC: OK, YOU DROPP3D TH3 QUR1K, 1TS S3R1OUS, 4PP4R3NTLY... SP1LL!  
aC: Well...

\-----  
Thinking back, it was a little odd how much the troll girl clung to Jade-- Pouncing on her more then all the others over that first day, her holds lingering a bit, fawning over the human girls amazing hair. That all came to a head when, during their second day in the Veil, Nepeta invited Jade over to her room to hang out and talk about all the differences between Earth and Alternia, human and troll-- Curiosity and cats were a well-known mix, after all.

"Well, so, I think culturally there's all the obvious things, um, we have parents, not lusii... Lususes? Lusum?"  
"Haha! It's lusii, silly-kitty. So you really live with the people who, um, made you?"  
"Yeah, normally-- I mean, all of us were special, I think, even more then the normal paradox-cloning ectobiological crazy-stuff John and Karkat always get up to."  
They share a laugh at this-- The many staggering things in common between John and Karkat were a favorite topic of their jokes and jibes. So much rage. So much same.

"So, speaking of stuff, you said you had your wall covered for a reason?"  
The girl blushes, fidgeting and fussing with her bright blue hat.  
"Yeah, I didn't want you to purrcieve me as being... weird, I guess?"  
"Why would I do that? I mean, everything is kind of weird now, but I'm pretty weird myself!"  
"Well..."

Nepeta tugged aside the curtain Kanaya had made, revealing the broad flat wall covered in painted and chalked images-- Dozens of little squares, separated into four sections and titled not with words, but with symbols-- A heart, a spade, a diamond, and a club. Within each square were pairs (or trios, in the clubs) of people, drawn in a crude stick-figure style, yet instantly familiar-- Nepeta had a talent for drawing just the features that mattered-- posing together.

The sheer variety of it left Jade a bit breathless-- Although not so much that she didn't notice that quite a few of the figures were drawn with less familiarity, and pink skin.

"So that is the fabled shipping wall?"  
"Heh, uh, yeah."

The girl seemed shockingly nervous, almost unnaturally flustered to reveal what, as far as Jade knew, was one of her defining traits and ambitions. And why had she left the curtain covering some of it? Regardless, she stepped up to investigate the images. Jade was markedly absent in many of these, which makes sense: She only really talked to Nepeta, Karkat, and Feferi (and Tavros, the one time...) out of all the trolls. Which, thinking of it, 3 of 12 was actually dead on average. But each of the images with her in it was in one of three sections-- The spade, the club, and the diamond.

"Hey, why am I not in any of the heart sections? Seems kinda weird."  
"Oh! I... hadn't gotten to putting myou into them."  
"Huh. OK!"

Nepeta breaths a deep sigh of relief and then purractically screams as Jade twitches aside the remaining bit of curtain to reveal The Forbidden Wall. The human girl stared at the two images in front of her, mouth slightly agape. In loving detail, easily ten times the size of the other images, Karkat and Nepeta were chastely kissing, bodies separated, a heart rising above them. But in much greater detail was a newer drawing, this one in paint instead of chalk, almost still glistening on the wall. In that amazingly sharp detail, it showed Nepeta and... Jade, herself, bound in a deep embrace and a -very- deep kiss, the cat-girl's gloved hands tangled in her long hair... No, scratch that, one gloved hand tangled in her hair, another one slinking down to her hips.  
Nepeta took this opportunity to throw herself on her side onto the bed, more then ready to just sink into the material and fade away, because her life was definitively over.

This was it, no hope anymore. The girl she had, so suddenly, gotten so damn flushed for had seen the l00d picture-- Oh jegus she's thinking like Equius, that can't be a good sign-- But even that didn't matter, she saw it and oh wow that feels really purrfect...  
Her depressive chain of thought had been interrupted by the nails-- Not hard razor-tipped troll nails, but those soft human fingernails-- scritching slowly across her stomach, relaxing her as Jade sat down beside her on the bed.

"...Are you mad at me?"  
"Why would I be? It's a really nice picture."  
"But, it... It's us..."  
"Well, I can't say the actual event in the picture is what I expected, but it just means you like me, right? A girl should always be happy to find out someone likes her!"

Shocked with how easily Jade handled it, how flippant her response, she thought once again about how strange human romance was, and... now she was thinking about how those lightly trailing fingernails were getting higher and higher up with every pass, up near her ribs now.

"Uhm, Jade? I think you’re getting a bit..."  
"Oh! Hah, um, woops! I got distracted when we were talking... So, let's get back on track! Things that are different between humans and trolls."

Jade pulled her hand away and then put it forward again-- Helping Nepeta lever herself up into a sitting position, her blush still a strong green.

"Right... Well, there's the whole horn issue, of course."  
"Ooh, yeah, start there-- I've been curious about that!"

Nepeta smiled at the change of pace-- Hopefully they could put the whole Forbidden Wall incident behind them-- and got into her teaching mode- Back straight, one hand pointing as she spoke, the other firmly and resolutely at her side.  
"OK, every troll has different horns, and they... Aren't purrticularly like meowst animals, really. They're mostly kinda soft, very slightly fuzzy, and we can feel with them."  
And that was when her concentration was absolutely shattered by Jade reaching forward, oblivious to the connotation, and running one fingernail up the ridges of her horn. Certainly, she had touched her own horns before, but no-one had ever done it to her, and the difference was immense: All composure lost, her eyes closing to focus on the sensation, it hit her like a bolt to the tail and rolled up her spine, her whole body shaking as she slumped forward.

"Ohno are you hurt? I'm sorry, I didn't think, I just..."  
Nepeta panted and shook her head before responding  
"No, I... I'm OK, just... sensitive. Really sensitive."  
She could already feel the blush rolling across her as Jade figured out what she had done, the human girl blushing brightly as well.  
"I am so sorry! That, um, wasn't what I meant to do."  
"It's totally fine-- Let's call it even for the wall thing, OK?"  
"Haha, sure!"

However, the sensations that single bit of contact had brought out were more then enough to make her shift nervously in her seat, legs rubbing together, and start shedding her large green coat-- It was suddenly very hot in here. And as she shrugged out of the coat, Jade noticed, for the first time, just how muscular the thin girl was-- Lithe limbs rolled with smooth musculature, her black shirt oddly tight on her body, her shoulders rolling with the kind of power she was used to seeing drive one of John's hammers clean through an Ogre. Nepeta must have caught her staring, because she giggled, breaking Jade's reverie.

"Silly purrson-- Your turn!"  
"Huh?"  
"Well, tell me about a human thing!"  
"Hmm..."

The idea came that this might be a good opportunity to tease the cat-girl, or maybe, maybe, see how serious she was about what she put on the wall. Either way, it would be fun, right?  
"OK, so, boobs! Which, ya know, I guess you have, but probably not the same."

With that entirely non-sequiter statement, thus filling her daily quota, she quickly pulled her top off, revealing a rather plain blue bra on her modest chest.

"...What's that strappy-thing?"  
"Oh wow, you guys don't have these? It's a bra-- I guess it's for modesty, and, um, support?"  
"Mreow? Support? Mine stay up just fine on their own."  
Nepeta poked at her own chest curiously  
"Yeah, still there!"  
"Well, humans are... squishier, I guess! Which... fuck, actually makes Karkat right about something."

They shared a laugh over that, one which was cut off as Jade undid the bra to reveal herself completely to Nepeta. Slight curves, a little smaller than Rose (and apparently significantly smaller than Nepeta herself) and bright pink nipples, just beginning to harden in the air. The troll girl stared appreciatively, quirking her head as Jade began to blush and fidget under her gaze.   
“Looks really different...”  
She absentmindedly reached forward to stroke and caress them, feeling the amazing softness of the human skin. Jade sucked in a sharp breath of surprise, but did not move away, instead scooting forward a little bit, hesitantly raising a hand towards Nepeta.

“So what’s the pointy part for?”  
“Mmm... Hm? Oh, um, since humans have children on their own, that’s how the kids, uh, feed.”

Nepeta looked at at in confusion, and then leaned forward, determined to take her chance, and licked delicately at the bright pink nub. At this Jade outright gasped, arching her back and jerking her arm, accidentally striking Nepeta in the chest.

“Ohno! Sorry, I-”  
“Haha, no, that’s just fine. It’s my turn anyways, right?”

Now or never, go big or go home, she had to do it now. Nepeta backed up and slinked her way out of her top, depositing the black shirt and her smiling hat off to one side. Her skin was a soft and deep grey, marred here and there by pale scars-- Animal bites, scratches, the works. Her breasts themselves were larger then Jade’s, firm enough to stand freely, and had no nipples. Where nipples would be, instead, was something very odd: Three concentric rings of skin, almost totally transparent, showing a forest green behind them. The clear sections were slightly raised from the rest of her skin, and as Jade stared at the strange figures, the green color shifted and grew darker.  
“It’s... very pretty.”  
“Thanks. You are too.”  
“Haha, um, thanks. Wow, this is... kinda nerve-wracking.”  
“Yeah, but it’s sorta nice too-- Feels comfortable.”  
“I guess so...”

At the word ‘comfortable’Jade had already started to reach forward again, this time to investigate this newly revealed feature of her... friend? That term will have to do for now: This was a bit of a grey area, (haha). As her fingers and nails brushed lightly across the skin, she realized that they really were a lot less squishy- The skin still had give, but was almost like warm leather or... analogies were escaping her because her brain was kinda fogging over right now, she just really wanted to curl up here and maybe get closer to Nepeta: This really was nice. She decided it couldn’t hurt to be a little more bold: You don’t often get this kind of chance, no sense in wasting it. Fingernails graced and grazed the surface of her breasts, eliciting little gasps and the occasional throaty purr, the color within the clear spots growing deeper and more rich with every passing moment. Nepeta reached out to reciprocate, running her hands up Jade’s belly to her breasts to investigate again. Slowly as they caressed, the two of them drew closer, scooting across the bed, until they accidentally bumped foreheads, both quickly withdrawing, flustered and not really noticing the pain.

“..I’m no good at this kinda thing, am I?”  
“Nyo! It’s just nerves: It’s normal for things to be weird the first few times, I think.”  
Jade fidgeted a bit before speaking, obviously trying to work up the nerve to say something  
“Well, um, I... don’t think we’re done, right?”  
“..Oh. Oh, wow, OK! Yeah.”She was happy that Jade was being forward about this: Maybe the whole thing was going to work out? Thinking it over, she stood on the bed and began to strip what remained-- Baggy green pants with many pockets, which slid down to her ankles and were kicked aside, revealing very plain jade-green panties.

“Those... don’t seem like your color.”  
“Nyop, Kan made them fur me!”  
“She does good work.”  
And then said good work joined the pants on the floor, leaving Nepeta completely bare, lying back, trying not to blush so hard that it burned. She spread her legs, just a bit, to put herself on display for what had started as a biology lesson and was ending up much more pleasantly.

Jade looked down at her - totally hairless, two plain lips, looking untouched and almost unnaturally virginal, at least compared to some of what the Internet had shown her.  
“Huh, it... doesn’t look much different from my pussy.”  
“Mreow? Pussy?”  
“Ah, it’s, um, human slang for that part.”line “But... Don’t you also use that word to mean ‘cat’”  
“Yeah. People are confusing sometimes.”  
“I kinda like it-- Makes sense to me. And... it’s fyour turn.”  
“..That last pun was a stretch and you know it.”  
But Nepeta only giggled and put her legs back together, so Jade sighed and began her own final bit of stripping-- Unbuttoning her skirt, sliding it low, to reveal black panties-- She was pathologically incapable of wearing matching underwear, force of habit. She took those away with a little trepidation, and set them aside delicately- Even with an alchemiter on hand, no sense in messing up good clothes. She moved up to the head of the bed, making herself comfortable-- if Nepeta was anything like her online self in real life (which had so far been true) she was going to take her sweet time being all curious and wide-eyed, so might as well be in a good seat. She spread her legs slightly, revealing herself-- Youthful, very sparse black hair, slightly damp from the erotic turn their earlier investigations had taken. Nepeta looked her over a few times, and then nodded before leaning in, placing a hand on Jade’s thigh, and slowly licking up the other one in a single stroke. Jade shuddered then and mewled, trying to respond and only managing to spread her legs further, relaxing as that coarse and amazingly hot tongue got closer, closer... And then flitted away to kiss at her stomach while her hand stayed firmly at the top of Jade’s thigh.  
This... was new. Different. And really nice. The feline girl was planting a trail of delicate kisses and strokes of her free hand all the way up Jade’s belly and sides, finding all the spots that made her groan and twitch, surprising even herself-- She had certainly done things alone, before, but this was a whole ‘nother story. Finally her kisses reached her breast, which Nepeta took into her mouth and bit, gently, her razor-sharp teeth still drawing a drop of blood from either side of the nipple. Jade gasped at this, hands clenching in the sheets, head spinning, as the girl swirled her tongue across the injuries, what little pain there had been quickly fading into the mists of pleasure. Her hand was working it’s way inwards and down, stroking so close to her... And trailing away again.

“Nepeta...”  
“Myes?”She looked up at Jade, so innocently, but with a wicked hint of a smirk.  
“Please...”

That was command enough, and Nepeta moved her hand directly onto Jade’s crotch, gently pressing and rubbing, causing her hips to jerk and her eyes to flutter. Her mouth came down onto Jade’s other breast, drawing blood again-- And this time the pain was welcome, an accent to the joy-- and she started another trail of licks and laps and nips, occasionally drawing that bright-red blood as she went, down and down, until she was right above her mound.  
“Nnggh... Go on. Keep going.”  
Smiling broadly, she did, leaning down and removing her hand to lap and kiss and stroke with her tongue, the other girl literally crying out this time, trying to muffle her voice in her hand and failing. The cat-like tongue, rough and hot, ran across her folds and spread her lips, lapping at her juices like they were water. Soon she brought up her hand alongside it, rubbing one finger in the quickly-spreading fluids, before gently pushing inwards. This elicited another muffled shout, and a hard shake of her legs, her whole body quivering now. Minutes passed like hours, or days, as Jade gently reached down and tangled her hand in Nepeta’s hair, guiding her treatments deeper and further, higher and whispering to her to do it harder. She complied, and it was only a few more moments before Jade came, the orgasm bringing everything to a screeching halt, her eyes wide open, her hips bucking up to meet the other girl’s face, a short spray of clear ejaculate misting into the air, quickly flooding the room more thoroughly with the smell of fresh sex.  
Jade panted, sighed, and fell backwards, catching her breath, as Nepeta climbed up next to her and gently kissed her cheek. Her eyes half-lidded, she turned and kissed in return, lips meeting for the first time, gently, softly in the afterglow, until they fell back again and relaxed.

Nepeta looked over, her eyes a bit teary “Thank mew.”  
“Whu? Shouldn’t I be thanking mew ...I mean you?”  
“Well, I had gotten my hopes up with the Wall, so I was thanking you for letting m-”  
A finger placed on her lips stopped her mid-word. Jade smiled wide, showing her teeth.  
“Silly! I didn’t let you do anything. That wasn’t pity, or whatever is up with that. I really... I guess I really do like you, ya know?”  
“Really?”  
“Well, we just did... that, didn’t we?”  
“Heehee, I guess so.”  
A moment passes where they both simply contemplate what they did.  
“I was furrpurrised, you didn’t really let out much, um, material.”  
“Huh? Oh! Yeah, um, I think “letting out”like that at all is kinda not normal for most human girls. Why?”  
“Well, um, you know the whole thing with...”her voice drops to a whisper “pails?”  
“Yeah...”  
“We aren’t exactly talking small pails. And when we say full we mean it.”  
“Wow.”  
“Yeah, so when we do that we usually need a pail, or it gets... messy.”  
Jade looked nervous again-- Like it was taking her immense effort just to say one thing.  
“Well, um, I guess I could be your pail.”

\------  
gallowsCalibrator [GC] stopped being an idle troll!  
gC: SH3 WH4T!?!  
\------

From the way Nepeta reacted, Jade realizes she must have said something wrong, or silly: The girl practically leaped out of the bed, heart hammering, eyes wild.  
“Y... Really?”  
“Sure! I mean, I can drink a lot really fast, and I, um... I feel bad for not ‘giving back’to you.”  
Hesitation on Nepeta’s lips was replaced with mingled desire and admiration of the girl before her.  
“Wow, I... OK, if you’re sure, then that would be purrfect!”  
A bit of explanations and logistics later, their positions had changed drastically. Jade was kneeling, hands in her lap, in front of the standing Nepeta. They both remained strip naked, but the blanket had been moved off the bed and under Jade-- Just in case, Nepeta said, not saying how or why she knew that was a way to handle it. Jade was clearly a bit nervous, but a few more soft kisses and a gentle nip of her ear, and she was feeling much more relaxed-- Even the biting relaxed her, coming from this oddly-hyperactive source. Nepeta stood again and took a wide stance, wrapping one hand in Jade’s hair, relishing the sensation on her skin as she guided the girl forward to kiss her other lips.

Her motions were clumsy, but clever-- Quickly working out the best spots (putting pressure on her bud with her lips while aiming her tongue up and in) and the best motions (hard pressure and slow movements) to make Nepeta squirm and purr, her breath coming in short gasps and her hand tugging at Jade’s hair, bringing up little stars of pain behind her eyes, but she didn’t mind- In a way, it was nice. Soon, the flavor of Nepeta’s sex was getting stronger, almost tart and floral as it hit her nose and mouth in equal measure, and the growing urgency of her yowls and yelps told Jade that she was close, if her own habits were any indication. She began to spear her tongue in more deeply, and then she briskly shook her head-- Bringing her nose rubbing across the girl’s nub several times in a row, back and forth. That was the last straw- Nepeta howled her release, almost screaming, as she shook and the flood was set loose: Deep forest green, water-thin and immensely strong, tasting like lime juice and smelling faintly of pine. Jade’s throat moved rapidly, once, twice, a third time as she continued to swallow the entire flow. She finally stopped, gently kissed Nepeta on her stomach, and stood, smiling at her with her mouth closed before swallowing one final time (an action that drew a shuddering gasp from the other girl) and opening her mouth.  
“I got it a--!”  
Her declaration of success was cut off by the pawsitively fierce kiss and tackling-hug from the cat-girl, driving them both onto the bed into a tangle of limbs and sighs, kissing and stroking, until slowly, surely, they both succumbed to sleep, to dreams, together.

\-----

aC: :33 > And that was how it ended: Purrfectly restful sleep, together.  
aC: :33 > *ac squeals with joy as she falls back from the keyboard*  
aC: :33 > ...Terezi?  
gallowsCalibrator [GC] stopped being an idle troll!  
gC: H4H... H4H...  
gC: *gC R3GR3TS ASK1NG 4BOUT TH1S W1TH CL34N SH33TS*  
aC: :33 > :00 Terezi! Did you really?  
gC: NO! W3LL NOT COMPL3T3LY...  
aC: :33 > *ac believes she could get the legislacerator in a lot of trouble by spreading that kind of news...*  
gC: !!! NO NO. B4D K1TTY.  
aC: :33 > I’m kitten, Terezi!  
gC: …  
aC: :33 > ...Kidding.  
gC: OH OK  
gC: SO CONGR4TUL4T1ONS N3P  
gC: F1N4LLY M4D3 1T  
aC: :33 > Thanks! I just had to prowl over and tell you furst!  
gC: W3LL OF COURS3. W3R3 S1ST3RS. OR CLOS3.  
gC: NOW 1 N33D TO T3K4 C4R3 OF TH1S... PR3SS1NG 1SSU3  
aC: :33 > Have fun! *ac mischievously winks*

gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]

\-----

Terezi pushed the husktop away, sighing deeply and rubbing at her chest-- She was already so sensitive just from talking about that kind of thing with Nepeta. Who would have ever thought one of the human kids would be into pailing, much less the only girl Karkat was...  
Hmm.  
A plan began to hatch as she walked to her recuperacoon-- She had, with some trial and error, alchemized a new one the split second she got a turn to refurnish her room. It was just so much more restful then the “beds” especially given the news that Rose and Feferi had given the entire group over their first dinner together. She stripped down, revealing her pale grey skin only momentarily before she sunk down into the sopor slime, sighing as it did it’s magic on her in short order. She gently played her hand across both breasts and her crotch, coming softly, almost trance-like, a few times before she totally drifted into sleep and enjoyed the first restful night in quite some time.


	3. Reconfiguration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Rose plies her trade and Kanaya is made proud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to my editor for this whole mad-cap business, calculatedTechnique.

**\----- Three Short of 19, Part 3-- Reconfiguration-----**

 

 **“gA: Colon And Dee Is How Im Feeling Right Now Too”**   
_\--Kanaya Maryam, feeling very **:D** over recent developments_

Rose LaLonde woke up that morning, stretching widely, her black robe thrown casually on the floor beside her bed. She rose and dressed in plain undergarments and the sleek robe, tied her equally-dark sash, set her hair in place with a few practiced movements, and smiled, very slightly, at the mirror.  
“Alright Kanaya, let’s see if you were right about me.”

She heads down the hall, looking around the rather intriguing laboratory they currently called home. It’s primary center housed a massive ectobiological lab for the creation of the less “normal” forces of both White and Black, and, she presumed, for the Trolls themselves. But all of the other rooms, ancillary and with purpose, now had purpose in housing and entertaining sixteen rambunctious... Children was no longer the appropriate term she presumed, but no language had the kind of word she really needed. Hmph.  
Rose’s contemplating on the failings of English are broken when she runs, distracted-face-first, into the tallest of the trolls- If he stood straight, that is. Gamzee Makara looked down.  
“Oh, motherfuckin sorry chica! Didn’t mean to bump into yah... Literally, I guess, haha, I fucking did want to see ya around, yah?”  
“My apologies for the collision... Did you say you were looking for me?”  
“Yeah, haha, I did. I’ve got a fucking, howdjasay, weird problem I wanted to talk about, and my buddy Kar said if anybody could handle it it’d be “the gloomy blond chick”, so that’s you, right?”  
“Yes, I suppose that would be an astute summary of me.”  
“Goddamn awesome. So, uh, can we go back to my ‘block?”  
“Of course. Privacy is paramount.”  
“Bitchtits.”  
They head away, then, to sit and speak in his block-- A small cozy place, with a newly Alchemized recuperacoon, completely untouched, next to a table laden with empty pie shells. He spoke then, hesitantly at first, and then progressed from there. It was a few hours before she left.

 

\-----  
Nepeta walked up to her wall, chalk in paw, thinking about what she had just seen Rose and Gamzee doing in his respiteblock. She smiled broadly-- It was just what their Bard needed. A few quick and practiced lines of color later, and she walked away, her work complete for now.  
We, gifted with vision omnipresent, can see what is there, on the vaunted Canonical Wall: It is Gamzee standing across from Gamzee, one of him smiling and the other screaming, and Rose in the middle, holding up her hands in the cross-universal gesture of stopping an argument. A small club adorns the frame.  
\-----

 

That business handled, Rose realized that she may have spent a bit too much time speaking with the despondent juggatroll, because it was nearly time for her first appointment of the day: She had taken to strict schedule-keeping after they arrived, to compensate for the lack of any sky or other indications of time. She rushed down the hall, feet sliding rather then taking steps, moving surprisingly fast until she arrived at the door. She stopped to gather her composure, straightened her robe-- And the door was opened before she could knock.  
“Hiiiiiiii Rose! Glad to see you could maaaaaaaake it!”  
Her drawling accent, a kind of affectation of true interest, was always intriguing to Rose: She had never thought of that as something you could easily do outside of text, but Vriska managed. She nodded and stepped forward.

“I apologize for my slight delay- I was a little busy with a client.”  
“Client? Kanayaaaaaaaa, did you get this girl into the meddling business?”  
“Vriska, I Have Told You Before That I Prefer To Call It Helping. Welcome, Rose. Could You Help Me Set Up This ‘YouTube’ Connection Sollux Mentioned?”  
“Of course.”

She strode forward, smiling, as they all arrayed themselves on the bed across from Kanaya’s big-screen Husktop (freshly Alchemized for designing new fashions without wasting cloth) and Kanaya leaned over to type in her password. Vriska eyed the keyboard without being noticed (apart from our narrative view, of course), and then leaned back, satisfied. Meanwhile, Rose and Kanaya were already hooking up the thumb-sized storage grub with Sollux’s trans-timeline video viewing program and queuing up a selection of similar Earth and Troll movies. They would spend the afternoon watching them, Rose teaching the other girls the noble Earth art of “riffing”, which was then justly applied to a Nic Cage film, although Vriska was oddly silent during most of the scenes, her fangs out and jaw slack.

“Rose?”  
“Yes Kanaya?”  
“...Thank You For Spending This Time With Us. I Had Been A Bit Down Recently, So I Am Glad We Got This Opportunity.”  
“It’s never a problem, I-”  
She was cut off by Vriska reaching over with one finger and putting it on Rose’s lips, not even turning to look. Her eyes crossed as she tried to keep the appendage in view, and she was shocked at how warm it was- Easily twenty degrees hotter than her own skin.  
“Damn it you two I h8 being interrupted!!!!!!!!”  
“I Know, Vriska.”  
“Alright, my apologies.”  
Rose clearly caught the look that Kanaya shot their companion-- A bit of sorrow and desire, neatly mixed. She had spent enough time studying and talking with all of them to understand how those feelings had formed and failed, but it didn’t stop the faint tinge of barely-recognized jealousy in her chest- She had a bit of an angle towards Kanaya, and seeing the girl pine for another hurt. But then she perked up, insomuch as she could in the circumstances- _Maybe it’s darker then that? If she had black feelings for Vriska, there would be no conflict._ She nodded to herself, very faintly, as the idea seemed very right. Vriska seemed made to receive Black romance.

Soon enough their little movie afternoon was finished, and Rose and Vriska bid the fashionable girl farewell- Vriska had a project she was working on privately, and Rose was going to eat lunch with the other human kids, catch up on the recent events. Kanaya let Rose take the data grub with her so she could set it up on her own computer, on the promise that she return later the same day to return it- She only had the one, and it took fairly obscure grist to make.

There were occasionally smaller circular and rectangular rooms dotting the laboratory-- Some connected by the dreaded stairs, others by hallways, most of them starkly empty: Landings, she supposed, for when the building was more populated. As it is, the kids had delighted in dumping furniture in a few of them and making random common rooms and hang-out spots around the lab. She made a beeline to the chosen one: A large circular room with a few cushioned recliners and small seat-height tables: Perfect for lunch. Dave and John were already seated, leaning back lazily and chatting about being... chased?

“May I ask who has been pursuing my two friends with such fervor as to earn discussion?”  
“Oh damn LaLonde, don’t sneak up like that.”  
“Hi Rose! We’re talking about Vriska and Terezi, actually.”  
“Yeah, and then John is going to tell me all about how he’s turning down the surprisingly-hot spider chica so he can get himself a piece of dear old Karkles.”  
“Dammit Dave! I told you, it’s not like that!”  
“Well then what is it like to so deeply lust for another man, Egbert?”  
“I... Man, just, drop the “gay for Karkat” thing, alright?”  
“Betcha a Boonbuck you come out of the closet before the month is out.”  
“You are on, even if that bet was some stupid ironic joke. You know, like all of yours?”

Rose chuckled at the verbal sparring between her friends as she popped open the container of food she had saved from dinner- Chicken, rice, and a bit of fruit. Light but good.  
John and Dave were both pausing between jabs and jibes to dig into their own sandwiches, and it was only a few moments before Jade arrived, bouncing happily down the halls with Nepeta trailing behind her, coat sleeves flouncing about in the air.

“Hi guys! Is it OK if Nep joins us?”  
“Sure! More the merrier.”  
“I certainly wouldn’t mind.”  
“Fine by me.”  
“Thank mew!”

Jade sat down in one of the massive chairs, practically sinking in, and Nepeta moved a chair behind her-- A single push slid it into place, getting a surprised reaction from John. He could have sworn these chairs were pretty heavy...

“So, Jade, been up to anything much recently?”  
“Well, this morning I was talking to Kanaya about maybe making a plush Bec. I still miss him...”  
At this, Nepeta leaned back, stretching and throwing an arm across Jade's shoulders. She obviously wanted some way to cheer her up, and so she tried, in her way:  
"For someone who owned a dog, you sure knew your way around, what did nyou call it? A pus--"

Her statement is cut off by a frantic wide-eyed Jade clapping her hand squarely over Nepeta's mouth, laughing nervously to try and cover up. Apparently the catgirl still wanted to talk, because all three of them saw Jade squirm as Nepeta licked and nipped at the inside of her hand to get her to move.  
It was the coolkid who reacted first.  
"Jegus. Fucking _Harley_ bagged herself an alien before one of us? I mean, damn, John's got the spiderchick following him around with a wifebeater and a leer, I've got a blind girl licking _nearly_ every inch of me, and Rose is being past-future hero worshipped by the fashionista... And Harley made it there first?"

Dave sat back in a rare moment of wonder and shock.  
John blushed furiously and called up his Windy-sock hood to hide his face.  
Jade gasped, not quite a moan, as her hand was pushed off by Nepeta’s tongue alone.  
Rose, however, merely stared, watching with extremely sharp eyes as Jade’s hand was pushed away by that strong tongue, at the few tiny droplets of red blood, and how Jade didn’t seem to care she was bleeding. Or... Did she enjoy it? Were they that kind of couple? Actually, knowing Nepeta, blood-letting was probably romantic for her in the red way.

Nepeta wrinkled her nose in confusion and a bit of sadness.  
“Did... Did I do something bad? Did you not want your furiends to know?”  
“No! I just... I hadn’t been prepared. I had been waiting, I guess, nerves and all that.”  
There was a quick chorus of objection: They weren’t the kind of friends who would judge her for that. They were the kind who were happy to see her happy. A round of congratulations (Everyone) and hugs (Rose and John) and ironic cat-style head-patting (Dave, naturally) followed swiftly. Soon the five of them settled back into lunch, the incident entirely forgotten in most cases... Except for Rose, and Nepeta herself.  
“Oh furruck.”  
“What’s wrong?”  
“I, uh, h33h33, forgot to tell Equius. Or even ask him. This... will be pawkward.”

 

\-----  
 _“YOU DID **WHAT**?”_  
\-----

 

Rose sat up in surprise from her reading as the cat-hatted girl ran into her room, not asking to enter: The reason apparent as she took in the deep green tears running down her face and the despair in her features. She leaps forward at Rose, who wisely moves the book before taking the (rather heavy, she now realizes) cat-girl into her arms.

“What’s wrong? You can tell me, calm down...”  
“E...Equius is a huge mean-faced angry fussyface! He won’t let me see her anymore...”  
The girl seemed completely devastated from this, shaking as she cried. Rose understood: Strong feelings could form very quickly, something she had experience with. She calmed the girl slowly, and then lifted her chin so she could look into Nepeta’s eyes.  
“Jade is my best friend. And you’re my friend too, now. And I’m going to fix this, OK?”  
“But mreo... I mean how?”  
“Just calling in a little favor... And testing a theory.”

 

 _\--A Few Moments Later...--_  
“Mr. Makara, can I enter?”  
“Oh shit yeah blond-fronds, come on down!”  
“...Fronds?”  
“Eh, I try to rhyme stuff, be more Bardic, but it goes fucking honky-wonky sometimes.”  
“Well, that one worked... moreso than the first.”  
“Huh, yeah, guess it damn well did. So, whatcha need?”

 

Dinner was a few minutes later, but for the first time since the kids arrived, several people were out of place: Rose stood calmly near one door, Nepeta and Jade were nowhere to be found. Rose nodded towards the table, and Gamzee stood up, legs unfolding, rising to his full height and walking up to his friend Equius, looking calmly at the heavily-muscled fellow. Equius stood to face him, as was expected of one of his relative station.

“Equius, bro, you gotta ease up on Nepeta. Kitty-chica is goddamn scared a ya!”  
“I absolutely refuse to let Nepeta associate herself with a red-blooded being so closely, so l00dly...”  
“Come on Equibro, think on it: Nepeta has been civilized as shit, you’ve been less... fuckin’ you, I guess, haha. You guys are the best goddamn ‘rails ever. But that means you have to make sure the other one gets to be fucking happy, right? So let Nepeta do what she wants.”  
“Highblood, I’m sorry, but I cannot take your advice on th...”

Gamzee almost looked a bit sad as he interrupted his blood-focused friend, placing a hand directly on his shoulder and staring him straight in the eyes. His own eyes went wide, paint crinkling.  
“Advice? No my main motherfucker, that was an **-order-**.”

The voice that came out was dead quiet and slick as steel, utterly unlike the Gamzee they normally spoke to. The effect of that word on Equius was staggering: Literally. He fell forward, almost dropping to a knee, sweat pouring down his face.  
“H...Highblood?”  
Gamzee relaxed, slouched again, and smiled broadly.  
“Sorry to get all terse my friend, but this is fucking serious times. Honk~!”  
“I... Understand. I will allow it. By your order... And for Nepeta’s sake.”  
Equius sat back down hard, breathing very heavily, his entire body slick with perspiration.

Gamzee walked away, stopping by Rose and leaning his head down to whisper.  
“So chica, did I do alright?”  
“You did great, Gamzee. In fact, you should go get a bit of pie, right? To remind yourself that this was a good thing you did. Reinforce it, you could say.”  
“Yeah, that sounds motherfuckin’ perfect right now.”  
And so he left the stunned audience, happily honking his way to his respiteblock, where he would get some sopor slime and be chill, dig?

Kanaya beamed at Rose, smiling broadly at how well the girl had done at troll psychology with only the barest experience. Vriska and John both looked like they were a few seconds away from starting a slow-clap, for entirely different reasons. Karkat however, turned, slowly, to Rose.  
“How the **FUCK** did you just manage to-”

He was interrupted by Equius standing up and rushing for the door, legs bowed and stance unsure  
“I am so sorry but I desperately need a pail.... TOWEL I MEANT A FUCKING TOWEL! Fudgesticks, I swore, that was so l00d of me, I...”  
The massively sweaty troll ran away, leaving everyone in their second state of utterly baffled silence in so many minutes. Rose just grinned and walked away, stopping by Nepeta’s room to inform the couple of their acceptance and Gamzee’s success. Then off to her own room to finish some pressing business that had been bothering her since lunch...

 

\-----  
She reclined on the bed, robe open, underwear casually discarded, door discretely locked. She had carefully set the data grub on the table, remembering to return it to Kanaya before she slept. She contemplated thinking about Kanaya tonight, but... Jade. Nepeta. They had already done things together, putting her ditzy and wonderful friend ahead of her in a realm of knowledge and experience. This would be the perfect fodder, and so her mind wandered, trying her best to reconstruct the scene from what little she knew. Her visions are solid, and enjoyable, but when it comes time to finish...   
_No matter how hard she tries, she fails to picture her friend’s face twisted in the throes of orgasm, fails to contemplate her buck teeth biting down hard into the troll girl’s shoulder, fails to imagine her shuddering cries of ecstasy. She cannot do it. She cannot get off to Jade. She’s tried before. She’ll try again. But she can’t._  
\-----

 

Grumpy and immensely frustrated, Rose ties her robe (not bothering to redress beneath) and grabbed the somewhat-delicate grub. She has to return this before she goes to bed. And maybe seeing Kanaya in her nightclothes would break this mental block? Wouldn’t that be nice... Are her thoughts as she heads down the hallways, eventually stopping in front of Kanaya’s room, whose door is open ajar.  
Rose rubs her eyes with the back of one hand mock-sleepily as she enters the open door.  
“Kanaya, I’m here to...”

Kanaya laid back languidly on the bed, reading a book one-handed in a nightgown so transparently gossamer it should have been illegal, in a pose so casual it was obviously contrived, with a look of entirely-too-manufactured surprise on her face.  
“Oh Rose! I Did Not Hear You-”  
Her statement is cut off by the soft click of Rose closing the door. She sets the grub down on the table and walks to the bed.  
“I hope you are prepared for the consequences of that outfit, Kanaya.”  
“What Consequences?” she asked with equal fear and expectation in her otherwise-level voice.

Rose pulled the sash hard with one hand and let the robe fall, revealing her naked and aroused form to Kanaya in a single instant of youthful bravado.  
 _“These.”_  
She leans down to kiss the other girl, and they embrace, slowly. Out of courtesy to their delicate fumblings of a first time, we will leave the two of them alone and unwatched...

 

\-----  
...Who the fuck am I kidding no we won’t.  
 _((And who the **fuck** are we kidding about them being gentle?))_  
\-----

 

Lips met for the first time, striking green lipstick against plain unadorned lips, tastefully clothed against utterly bare. Kanaya reached up with her slender arms to pull the human girl to her, entire body shaking: She had pictured this a thousand thousand times and it was finally happening. They had met so recently and she finally had her chance, and it more or less literally leaped into her arms. Rose fell down to the bed, almost crying: It was so nice, so soft and warm and beautiful, she had spent her whole life missing something and it was this, this closeness to another person, the opposite of what she had engendered during the end of their Session. Their kiss went on for quite some time until they pulled away, breath heavy and eyes shining with joy.

Her fingers lazily tracing across Rose’s shoulders and collarbone, Kanaya leaned back and spoke:  
“When I First Saw You Through The Viewport I Had Thought You Were... Bland. Plain. But Now I See That It’s More Like... Snow, Or Canvas. Fresh, Untouched, Pure.”  
“Kanaya.”  
“Hm?”  
“Are you going to spend the entire night being poetic about my purity, or get back to the business of taking said purity away?”  
The troll girl blushed, her grey skin shifting into a stunning green.  
“Mm. Good Point.”

They kissed again, Kanaya's arms sliding down Rose's ribs, claws delicately grazing the skin and leaving trails of red against the pale white. She gasped in delight at the bright color, accidentally dipping one finger a little too far and piercing the skin just above the girl's hipbone. Rose did not wince in pain however, instead sighing deeply and relaxing on the bed. Kanaya took this as a sign to continue, making another dot of blood well up on the opposite hip, shrugging out of her nightgown and trailing her lips down to nip and bite at her collarbone. The human girl moaned slightly at this, rolling her hips into the air a few times, seeking something solid to rut against. She ran her hands to Kanaya’s chest, marvelling at the clear panels where she expected nipples, twitching her thumbnail across them and enjoying the shudder that ran through Kanaya and into her own body.  
“I don’t want to seem hesitant, but... Is it alright if I touch your horns?”  
“That, hah, mm, Would Be Lovely.”

Hands moved from breasts to shoulders and collarbone, stopping to tweak and tease her ears, which didn't elicit much reaction (a fact Rose filed away for the future) until her hands were sliding through coarse black hair, mussing the artful style and twisting it between her fingers. Her fingers strayed to the base of the thin and elegant horns, lightly running over the skin until she reached the right horn. Unsure and more then a little worried, she grasped it around the base with two fingers. Her worries were instantly relieved as Kanaya let out a breathy moan and then buried her face in Rose’s shoulder, oddly embarrassed. Rose continued to explore, running her fingers and hand up the length of the curved horn-- It was softer then she had imagined, although less smooth, the colored stripes also being ridged. However, when her hand moved up the other horn, the hooked one, the reaction was entirely different-- Kanaya groaned and backed away, removing herself from Rose entirely. Confused, and a little worried, she reached out a hand.

“No, It Is Fine. I Am Just... Not Used To That Horn Being Touched.”  
“Was it... any different from the other?”  
“Oh! Of Course, I Am Sorry. I Forgot You Would Not Know.”  
Kanaya stood to fully remove her dress as she spoke, seeming slightly worried.  
“Horns With Odd Tips-- Hooks, V-shapes, Crescents-- Produce Different Feelings. My Hook Causes Me To Feel... It Is Hard To Describe. But I Don’t Particularly Enjoy It.”  
“I’m sorry then- If I had known, I hope you realize I wouldn’t have done it.”  
“Naturally- I Don’t Blame You. My Mistake For Assuming.”  
“So... Would this make it up to you sufficiently?”

Rose pulled Kanaya back to the bed, wrapping her arms around the other girl’s shoulders, and brought her mouth up to the tip of the plain curved horn. She gently kissed it up and down the length, bringing out moans and shaking from the troll girl. Kanaya reciprocated as best she could, leaning her face down to Rose’s breast to kiss and stroke at the pale flesh, rolling a nipple between two fingers and receiving a gasp and a tighter embrace in turn. They stayed this way for a while, Kanaya toying with Rose’s nipples as they hardened into full stiffness, and Rose kissing and, occasionally, licking Kanaya’s horn. Then Rose leaned down, mouth open, and took the tip of the golden curve into her mouth. Kanaya went totally still in her arms, eventually relaxing and releasing a shuddering moan, which Rose took as a sign to keep going, her mouth moving lower down the length. Kanaya struggled to maintain her composure, and to avoid biting too hard into Rose’s shoulder as she did so, but then the tongue slid across the ridges of her horn and she forgot all about propriety, biting deep and digging her fingers into her crotch as she rode the wave of sensation. Realizing Rose might want something as well, she moved her now-slick hand and placed it against the girl’s mound, pressing her fingers forward. Rose nearly purred in delight.

A rhythm began then: Rose bobbed her head back and forth, tongue working across the hard surface of the horn, and Kanaya rocked her hand against Rose’s pussy, eventually working up the courage to put the very tips of her fingers in, to the other girl’s delight. Kanaya had just gotten started working her palm against the tiny bud at the top of Rose’s slit when she chose that exact moment to take the entire horn into her mouth, curving it into the back of her mouth and rolling her tongue around it. Kanaya cried out, as did Rose, and the two repeated their actions, once, a second time, and finally a third before they both came, Rose shaking and sliding off of Kanaya’s hand and onto her wrist, while Kanaya’s eyes rolled back and her horn slipped out of Rose’s mouth. She slid down to the bed, landing in the quickly-spreading and massive puddle of jade genetic material, and hid her face in her hands. Rose settled down next to her and embraced her.  
“I can see why you use pails, if that is regular.”  
“I Am Sorry For The Mess.” her voice was coming out shakily, her eyes glazed.  
“Don’t be- We both enjoyed that... Right?”  
“Very Right.”

And that was how it felt as the two of them drifted off to sleep: Right.


	4. Wild Cherry Apeshit Apocalypse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein a lot of red things happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is HALF of Chapter 4, rest to be posted later as Chapter 4.5... And if Ao3 doesn't like that, I'll label it 5 and... shift... the entire rest of the story around. FFFFFFFFFFUUU.  
> So desperately sorry this is late, I will try to work faster in the future.  
> Also, apologies for my near-constant misspelling of Rose's last name as 'LaLonde'-- Blame a friend's IRL last name for conditioning me. Will fix in the future.
> 
> Ao3 seems to love mangling this chapter, so I apologize for any errors or missing pieces.
> 
>  
> 
> There is also a Pesterlog that I had to basically ruin to make it appear on the Ao3 page for some reason. My apologies for the quirk-mangling.

You are KARKAT VANTAS. And, being convinced that sleep will be OK after whatever the creepy blond and the fish-chick did, you are resting. Unfortunately, you get woken up after only a few hours. Fortunately, what wakes you up is the same thing that has done so for nearly the past week: A face full of dripping Pyrope crotch and the sensation of your own bulge buried to the hilt in her mouth. You raise your tongue and bring your hands around her hips, pulling the soft nook directly onto your lips so you can get to work returning the favor- You hate playing catch-up, even in bed.

\-----

You are TEREZI PYROPE. And your matesprit is delicious. From his slate grey skin that tastes more like grub steak than flesh, to his sweet-apple red blood. But most of all, it’s this flavor you love: Brilliant red unlike any _real_ flavor, scintillating and sour and dancing on your tongue like it’s fizzing, his arousal-lubricant rolling into your throat as you greedily suck and lick at his bulge, giggling as you finally feel his tongue snake into your nook and press against all the right spots, your long “training” sessions paying amazing dividends as shivers and shakes roll up your spine. You can just imagine your taste- Cotton candy, sweet and cloying- on his tongue as he laps at you, and then your attention returns to him. During, he is soft, not screaming or clawing, but delicate and loving. Once he is into the groove, your juices running down his face and your hips bucking against him, he begins to hum: A slow and sorrowful song today, the hard and long notes felt more than heard, and you improve your own pace to match. He reaches the crescendo of the song, his nose furiously mashing your button as his tongue curls into you, and the two of you come at the same time, drinking each other’s releases slowly and carefully. You come a second time, legs quivering, and a third, searing in your mind like bright flares. It isn’t his ministrations that bring you to these multiple releases (although they help): It’s his taste, rivers of glorious red flowing deep into you.

\-----

The two of them lay back, Karkat positioning himself so he can curl up, head on her breast, as they embrace. Terezi slowly comes down, breathing deeply, before a fit of faint giggles overtakes her, her climaxes making her giddy.  
“Sing it for me.”  
“Really?”  
“Don’t you always?”  
He sighs, laying a kiss against her over-sensitive rings before rising, clearing his throat (and wiping a line of blue from his lips) and beginning to sing. His voice, when he bothers to use it like this, is the soft and smoky gravel appropriate for a song about heartbreak, and she works to ignore the scents and feelings around her, letting her blindness close true for once, so she can float to sleep on his song. He looks down and smiles when she begins to snore, and he lays his head on her chest again, fully prepared to sleep a whole day away like this. The others can rot for all he cares.  
...  
Which is exactly when a doofy human voice comes through the door and ruins his peace.  
“Hey Karkat, wake up, it’s breakfast time!”

\-----  
You are KARKAT VANTAS. And you are _mad as hell_.  
\-----

 

“No, you don’t fucking get it Sollux, he heard me _singing_.”  
The Mage of Doom shrugs his shoulder-- Singular, as his other arm is occupied with wrapping around his hoodie-adorned matesprit while she eats, her now-perpetual small smile growing slightly wider as she tries new foods.  
“Seriously KK, I don’t see the problem. Hell, _I’ve_ heard you singing.”  
“Well, fucking obviously, but we were watching movies. I always sing along to the credits.”  
“Tho what maketh thiith any different?”  
Sollux frowned at his own voice- He had been trying to keep both his lisp and his bifurcation under control recently, but the end result was that when either one did crop up, it went berserk.  
“There is precisely one other time I sing, fuckass: _After_.”  
“After? After what?”  
Aradia leaned over and whispered into his ear, and his two-tone eyes went wide.  
“OOOH! OK, yeah, thuck deal.”

Meanwhile, John was several seats away, seeming a bit more distracted then usual, although he wasn’t participating in any of the conversations. Eventually, when everyone left, John remained, looking for all the world like he had been struck with some kind of revelation.

 

Which is why, after breakfast, John walked up to the lounge and found Dave, approached him with fists clenched, and dropped a Boonbuck on the table.  
“Fine. I give up.”  
“Give up what, dude?”  
“The bet.”  
Dave raised an eyebrow “...Did we have a bet?”  
“Damnit dude! Yesterday! You said I would...” John seemed shaken, and Dave thought back, and then his eyes went wide behind his glasses.  
“Oh fuck. Seriously?”  
“...Yeah. I definitely think so.”  
Dave immediately stood up and embraced his friend, a simple and short hug, still far more then one would ever expect from the unflappable Strider. He then led the shaky John to a chair.  
“Alright, I’m here for you. And I’m happy for you. Now spill, get me out of this fuckin’ shroud of ignorance, OK?”  
The jovial tone eased John’s nerves, and he spoke slowly.  
“Haha, alright. Well, earlier today...”

\-----  
John couldn’t help but stare as those razor-sharp needle-tip teeth dug into another slice of salty ham, chewing with vigor and relish. His eyes followed the motions of that grey skin as the meat was swallowed, and the deep black of that tongue as it ran across equally dark lips. And then saffron-yellow eyes locked onto him, and Karkat re-entered his normal base state: Massive rage.  
“What the fuck do you think you are staring at, Egbert?”  
“Um, nothing! Sorry, just didn’t think you would, um, like country ham so much.”  
“Yeah, well... you people make good food at least.”  
John beamed at the feeling in his chest, the warmth and joy, as though the offhand comment about his race as a whole was a compliment directed only to him. He floated through the rest of breakfast.  
\-----  
Dave looked dead serious at his friend, eyes totally level and not at all mildly freaked out behind his shades.  
“Go on...”  
\-----  
John sat there trying to watch the movie, some of his favorite actors on the screen, but he couldn’t concentrate-- Every few seconds, his eyes would dart to Karkat and he would just pause and stare for a moment, taking in the glistening of his eyes as he watched the failing human attempts at matespritship, watching him scratch his head-- Sharp fingers moving through coarse hair next to those _fascinating_ horns-- when he was confused over the huge train-wreck that was Con Air, and most of all, when Wicker Man bored him into sleep, watching the movements of his chest as he breathed in and out slowly, before John himself fell asleep on the couch, head turned to face Karkat, curled up beside him.  
\-----  
OK, Dave could deal with this. It wasn’t that weird. Admittedly, every time John described Karkat he became painfully aware how similarly he himself would have described Terezi or Jade, if pressed.  
“Well, I am getting the idea, but gimme something _big_.”  
\-----  
John’s heart stopped. His mouth dried and his eyes went wide, his fingers clenched like they wanted to grasp something, his legs shivering and growing weak, his heart hammering, his head fuzzy. The cause of all this? Karkat simply walking past him in the hall, fuming over something.  
\-----  
“And it’s been like that every time I’ve seen him, I guess.”  
“Damn, man. I’m proud.”  
“Huh?”  
“I dunno myself, but that... That sounds like love right there. Lust too. Sure, you want the guy. But to me you just described him like fucking Shakespeare describes a lady.”  
“Wow, I... I guess so. I didn’t even think about it, but... Maybe it is.”  
“Whatever it is, I’m with you every step of the way man. Bros for all time.”  
“Pfft, that wasn’t even a decent time pun.”  
“Oh come on, don’t lump me in with these punny mofos. That was deadly serious.”  
“I know. Thank you.”  
Dave doesn’t respond, just holds up his fist and accepts the BNP.

 

Dave looks to Terezi and shrugs, the universal sign of “How the fuck did we get roped into this?”. Terezi just laughs-- The boys had told her what they were going to do ahead of time, neither one wanting to see her angry, so she lured Karkat to an empty section of the base where they could have this discussion in private. He looked angrier then usual, realizing his matesprit had probably gotten them cornered by these humans on purpose.  
“OK, so, what the fuck do you two want?”  
“W-well, I, um, that is, I w-was...”  
“Jegus fuck Egbert spit it out! You sound like Eridan and Tavros talking at the same time, which is possibly enough fail to make me literally hate a hole through your face.”  
"It's, just, well, you know that whole, um..."  
"JEGUS QUIT HESITATING!"  
"OK, OK, breathing. Sorry. You know the whole... 'not a homosexual' thing?"  
"...Didn't we say we were going to forget that goddamn embarassment of a bullshit-heavy conversation, Egbert?"  
"Well, yeah, but, I've been thinking..."  
"Shock and fucking amazement over here."  
"Haha, nice one! But seriously, I was thinking about it, and I don't really find Dave attractive or anything-"

Dave did a fake double-take as if he were offended.  
"Stake through my heart bro!"  
"Heeheehee, Dave, let the boys talk."

"Look, I'm sure your crazy ass has something really fucking critical to tell me, but I have better goddamn places to-"  
John leans forward, scrunching his eyes closed, and kisses Karkat on the lips. It's clear that the troll is still trying to talk with his mouth occupied, but eventually he calms a little and leans into it before they separate.  
"Whu?"  
"Heh. Um, like I said. I don't think I'm attracted to guys. But I'm attracted to you. Is that enough?"  
Surprising everyone, Karkat grins widely  
"Finally one of these goddamn humans gets it! Fuck your weird Earth 'gender bias', just go for the people you're attracted t... Wait, _attracted_? Like, uh..."  
"Yeah. 'Uh' seems like a good summary."

In an uncharacteristic display of worry, Karkat turned to Terezi  
"So, haha, let me guess: I get to choose now?"  
"Heehee, you are too funny Karkles. No, you get to enjoy yourself."  
"Seriously? I have the **best** matesprit."  
"On one condition."  
"Correction: The word I was looking for was fucking **worst**."  
"Hehehe, it's nothing big. You get a night with the Heir, I get one with the coolkid."  
Finally something that gets a solid reaction-- Dave moves his glasses a fraction of an inch lower and simply stares.  
"Are you kidding, Pyrope? Like Karkat would ever-"  
"OK, deal."

Dave and John both stare at the troll couple  
 _ **"...What?"**_  
"Hah! Terezi, it seems your deviance finally shocked somebody into silence."  
"I think the proper term is our deviance. Or are we not in this together by nature?"  
"Pfft, fine, whatever."  
"Wait, so you two..."  
"Yup! Share and share alike. It's what's just, when there are so few people left, period."  
"I've gotta say 'Rezi, that is shockingly logical. Almost makes me forget you're a blind madwoman who keeps trying to lick me."  
"Is that a rejection of my little offer?"  
"Wow, hey, nobody said that. Let's not jump to sex-witholding conclusions here."

That got John laughing, which got Terezi laughing, and everybody eventually realized what they had all just decided to do. That got everyone quiet, until finally they broke into quick and nervous conversation. Cover-up plans were made (movies for John and Karkat, art jam for Dave and Terezi) and times were set (later that evening) and then they went their separate ways to prepare.

 

Lunchtime again on the meteor, and after a solid week of routine, people were getting into the groove-- The food got selected and served up quickly, everyone had their conversations and chatter, and the groups bonded a little better each day then they had the day before. Which was good-- When the time came for The Plan, they would need perfect teamwork and absolutely precise co-operation. But such heavy details were still months away, according to the local time management-- One half of which seemed to be permanently glued to the Mage of Doom, the other half of which was too ironically detached to get distracted. About halfway through the meal, Gamzee was telling Tavros some long-winded joke that no-body else quite got. While Tav was laughing up a storm Gamzee stood and left, his plate already clear. Feferi had already gotten up and gone, as had Vriska and Equius a few minutes before. Clearly none of these events were in any way connected.

After lunch, in the Alchemiter room, a certain Jade Harley was hard at work figuring out a combination. All we see are the raw materials: A ghost image of Nepeta’s hat and a potted fern. Eventually she gets what she was looking for, because she grins widely before Captchaloguing the mystery item and leaving quickly, making sure not to be seen.

 

The situation from breakfast is inverted now: Dave walks up to John after a meal, fists clenched.  
“Egbert, we made a big mistake.”  
“Wait, what? Are you... Are you talking our plans?”  
“Yeah.”  
“But I thought you really liked Terezi, and-”  
“No dude, we made a -timing- mistake, which I should be kicking myself for, but that would be far too uncool to even really think about.”  
“What do you mean tim... Oh crap we had plans with Rose and Jade tonight, didn’t we?”  
“Yup. We wanted to do something every week once we got up here, and we manage to double-book the very first one.”  
“Aw, shit! What do we do?”  
“You’re asking -me-?”  
“Well, yeah! Unflappable coolkid and all that, right?”  
“Psch, yeah. OK, let’s... Just tell them we’ll be busy and roll with it?”  
“...OK, yeah. I mean, Rose might be a little angry but Jade would probably get it and be cool-- Or excited, come to think of it. Since it means I’ll be keeping Karkat out of her hair, ya know?”  
“Hah. Yeah, alright, that’s the plan then. Fuck. I really don’t want this to go badly.”  
John fakes a look of shock  
“A crack in the cool-facade? I’m honored bro!”  
“Eat me, Egbert.”

 

“I’m sorry David, but you two _what_?”  
That was Rose’s reaction to the initial statement as all of them talked in their favorite little common area-- The same spot they ate together the day before, actually.  
“We need to break out plans for the night, postpone it to tomorrow or something.”  
Rose crosses her arms across her chest  
“So allow me to clarify: For the first time in seven days we will actually be spending our weekly night hanging out, as decided the first time-- A concept, I might add, that was originally brought up by YOUR luminary self. And now the two of you are backing out, leaving two wonderful and beautiful ladies like ourselves in the cold?”  
“OK, first off, Egbert brought up the idea to me before I said shit. Second, are you really describing yourself as ‘beautiful’ to your sibling? I don’t disagree, but that seems a bit creepy. Third... Yes, that’s what’s going on.”  
Jade pipes in here, being that unique little mix of sly and exuberant that only she could pull off. “Dave, do you really think we’re beautiful!?”  
“Cool your jets Harley, it’s not like we’re having a contest.”  
“Ooh, I bet Feferi would like that! Maybe I could ask Karkat about holding one or something!”  
“Oh jegus Dave you made a monster.”  
“Pfft, I thought making all of us was on -your- head?”  
“Oh haha.”  
“Speaking of familial bonds, Dave, I’m willing to bet you neglecting us is an inheri-”  
“Oh fucking no! I am not going to be talked at about goddamn parent issues by Rose La-fucking-londe. Not when your-”

Rose looks mortified and stops him  
“Alright, that... Was a mistake. My apologies. You were about to reference my upbringing and I -did- reference yours. Shall we call take-backs on that entire embarrassing mess?”  
“...Yeah, OK. You had a point, anyways.”  
“OK! So, everybody stopped yelling, which is great! Buuuut, that still doesn’t tell us why you have to ditch! What’s up guys? Dave? John?”  
“Look, Sis, there is no reason I have to tell you what me and Karkat are doing tonight.”  
“...Ooooh! So it’s with _Karkles_! Are you having a sweet evening with everyone’s favorite fuckass?”  
“Aww damn, my mouth just keeps running. At least I didn’t say anything about Dave and T--”  
The hand of Strider slapped straight onto his mouth, silencing John.  
“Amazing how little John just said about anything, ever.”  
Rose and Jade stare, then look to each other, and finally back.  
“So, you two...”  
Dave finally loses his cool for a brief moment.  
“OK, yeah, fine! Info brought courtesy of The Heir of Spilling the Beans! We’ve got dates with Terezi and Karkat. Ya happy?”  
When Jade doesn’t say anything, Dave lets out a little laugh, trying to move the topic along and recompose his ironic facade.  
“So, I guess that means Rose is last to the alien poon party!”  
Jade blushes at that, mock-hiding behind the lapels of her vest. Rose just smirks and puts one hand on her hip, looking Dave straight in the eyes- Or as close as one gets, with the shades in the way.

“I’m sorry, but -who- is last to this aforementioned party?”  
“Oh come on, you haven’t...” Dave stops then and looks at her smile.  
“Oh shit. You really -did-, didn’t you?”  
“Of course! Like you said: I did not exactly have to seek Kanaya out.”  
Jade just giggles, causing John to turn on her, surprise on his face  
“So wait, you already knew?”  
“Well...”

 

\-----  
“ac purrowls over to her infurequent guest...”  
“Hello Nepeta. I Apologize For Not Seeing You More Often.”  
The girl decides it’s easier to break fu...persona-- Kanaya is so hard to roleplay with sometimes-- and stands to speak normally.  
“Oh that’s fine! I know we’re all busy getting used to the humans being around!”

Kanaya uncharacteristically blushes at this, which Nepeta finds pawsitively adorable-- Jade only blushed pink, which was novel and kinda awesome, but other trolls blushing were somehow more... vulnerable.  
“Humorously, That Is Indeed Actually What I’ve Approached To Converse You About...”  
“Wow Kanaya, something must be worrying you bad!”  
“I Fail To Perceive How You Could--”  
“Long words. You pawlways use them when you get flustered. It’s funny!”  
“Oh. Oh Damn. Yes, I Suppose That Would Make It Obvious.”

Kanaya tugged at the edges of her red skirt nervously before making a very shallow bow.  
“I Need A Favor.”  
At this, Nepeta wished she really did have cat ears-- This would be the time to perk them up.  
“Oooh! Is it about romantic advice? Do you need help making the purrfect ship come true?”  
The jade-blood hesitated, blushing more brightly, before responding.  
“Quite The Opposite. It Already Has.”

Cue the inevitable jaw drop.  
“You mean you and Rose already...”  
“Yes. So I Would Be Quite Happy If You... Removed Both Of Us From The Matesprit Ships?”  
“Hmm... Purrsonally I like to leave the non-con ships up, just in case, but beclaws it is you two, I’ll do it!”  
“Thank You Very Much.”

Kanaya smiled brilliantly, relieved, as she left. Nepeta waited a fur-ly decent bit of time before leaping onto her computer and pulling up Jade’s handle.

 **THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A PESTERLOG BUT THE HTML IS GOING BERSERK**  
 _ENJOY HAVING IT IN DIALOGUE FORMAT INSTEAD_  
NEPETA- AC has some pawesome news!  
JADE- Yay! What is it!?  
NEPETA- It’s about our furriends Rose and Kanaya...  
\-----

 

“Wow, so Nepeta spilled just like that, huh?”  
“Well, she knew I would figure it out if I saw them suddenly removed from the Wall, so...”  
“Yes, and Kanaya fully understood when she was told just how you found out. Your reputation for being worryingly perceptive seems to have spread, Jade.”  
“H33 h33, thanks!”  
“...Did you just do that purring laugh thing that Nep... Of course you fucking did. It’s like a plague.”  
Jade giggled again, more quietly this time, and then started to look a little concerned. Before she could raise her voice to say anything, Rose put a hand on her shoulder.  
“Well boys, congratulations on getting your chance, don’t ruin it, etcetera. Me and Jade have to go discuss what we will be doing with our free time.”  
Dave and John shoot each other a quick look back and forth, and shrug before waving good bye and heading off to prepare. Jade shot Rose a quizzical look.  
“Why did you...?”  
“Because I do believe we have to talk about something. Something regarding my erstwhile brother.”  
“Oh nooooooo...”  
“Not to worry- I’m totally fine with the concept. I merely think that if you want to take a chance at it, tonight is the night.”  
“But... He’s going to be with Terezi!”  
“Precisely. Who on this base do you think is more likely to be OK with the concept then the girl who is already sharing her boyfriend-- With a man, no less?”  
“Oooh. Oh! OK, um... YeahImgonnagodothatbye!”

And with that indecipherable mumbling, Jade dashed down the hallway to find Terezi, and Rose smiled and went to spend the evening rather actively in Kanaya’s room. Amazing how easy it is to break plans without causing problems if you just let them do it first.  
\-----

 

Terezi Pyrope was many things. Blind, obsessed with justice, unnaturally attracted to both the color red and her angry little Karkles, savvy, manipulative, and almost perpetually horny. These things came to a head, together, when Jade rushed up to her chair, panting and blushing, as Terezi tried to read one of her law books.

“What is it, Jade? You seem... Flushed.”  
“What!? Um, no, I just wanted to ask you a favor...”  
“Heeheehee, OK, let’s hear it.”  
And so Jade explained herself...

\-----  
Jade tried to make her staring subtle as she watched him laugh, her eyes locked on his perfect motions, always fluid, never any wasted energy, his arms so strong, his eyes bright and mesmerizing red behind those utterly featureless black shades. She clenched her hand around the nearest bit of couch when he licked his lips as he looked over his lunch-- She imagined him licking his lips like that while looking at her, or better yet, licking...  
\-----

Terezi cackled “H3h3h3, OK-- We can definitely arrange something.”  
“Really!?”  
“Yup! Just... You owe me one. No questions.”  
“...Alright! I trust you... Pretty much.”  
“Good! See you tonight~!”  
Terezi smiled broadly as the girl walked away, and then returned to her reading.

 

Dinner was oddly empty-- A full half of them were missing, including all the humans. Everyone just shrugged it off, however-- Whatever they were doing with the night was their own business.

### NEXT: CHAPTER 4.5, THEIR OWN BUSINESS


	5. 4.5, OR Their Own Business

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein there is film, and art, and much MUCH more sex than usual.  
> That is not a typo.  
> MORE.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER WILL BE FORMATTED LATER. IT IS ALREADY SO LATE.  
> I am sorry this Chapter is a week or so late, but I got ill and then distracted. Blame ILLBLEED, and Dead Money.  
> I will be putting in the majority of the HTML later on as an edit.

John was sweating bullets. He knows he shouldn't be-- Not only is Karkat a lot less angry right now, as he sets up the movie they will be watching-- From what he can tell of the back-cover splashes, it looks like an awesome action film with a really nefarious villain-- But sweating like this is not a good thing. He's running hot and cold, and he needs to calm down. A short twist of the Windy Thing cools him off when Karkat isn't looking, and the release of power lets him relax and take in the situation. 'OK John, what the hell is going on?'  
1- I am in another boy's bedroom.  
2- I confessed to being attracted to said boy earlier.  
3- We are about to watch a movie together, in the dark, alone, as a prelude to...  
And that's right around where his brain short-circuits-- Too much too fast, can't take everything in, so he just lounges back on the massive couch and waits for Karkat to come back.

The rage-filled troll plops down next to him, right next to him but not quite that close, just a cushion away, and John gulps, steeling himself.  
"Are you ready to see some real fucking film, Egbert?"  
"Y-Yeah! Let's watch us some action!"  
At this, for some reason, Karkat blushes. Weird-- John was positive he hadn't said anything strange, nothing that clicked. Oh well, Trolls Are Weird, moving on.

 

\-----

 

Dave was confused. He didn't show it of course-- That's not the way of the Coolkid. No, he merely kept it hidden behind his steely facade when he walked into the room, all prepared to get his "art jam" on with 'Rezi, and saw her sitting on a bed, happily giggling up a storm with Jade. The girls were in matching outfits, which he probably should have found odd, but was too distracted by the actual outfits-- Long-sleeved shirts (bearing their respective symbols, of course) that were far too tight, jeans to match, hair down, glasses off. He realized now that Jade was honestly pretty hot when she wasn't bundled up in a solid foot of copyright-shattering armor, like when he first saw her, or all doofed up behind her baggy clothes and huge glasses, like usual.

"Hi Dave!"  
"H3h3h3, hello there Mr. Cool. Ready to 'jam'?"  
"Well I was, but nobody told me this was a three-person affair."  
Jade slaps her forehead "Oh, I totally forgot to tell you! Yeah, Terezi invited me."  
"I heard that she draws, Dave! Why didn't you tell me she drew?"  
Dave shrugs "Never came up."

Terezi reaches over to swat him, but he steps back, used to her playful strikes by now. He sat down with them, figuring they could boot Jade once the actual drawing was done, and then looked down.  
"Where's the tablets?"  
"Silly! We're drawing on paper-- Easier for Terezi to smell, I guess."

Dave almost let the facade crack then and there, because this was something nobody knew. Shit, shit, shit! Instead, he just looked impassively at the implements before him.  
"Cool. Let's rock."

 

\-----

 

John watched, mouth agape, as the action unfolded on the screen-- It was tense and exciting, a really solid thriller. The horrific and maddeningly smart villain had captured the good guy's girlfriend and seduced her, although the actual -interaction- took place off-screen. Now he had tracked down the hero inside of his base, and was slowly sneaking up on him. When there was a jump-scare earlier, John had instinctively thrown himself to the side... And by extension, much closer to Karkat, who grumbled before settling in. John was surprised by how cool Karkat was-- Not Dave or Nic Cage cool, but temperature cool. It was kinda relaxing, honestly...

And then his attention was yanked back to the screen as the villain leapt, tackling the hero to the ground and knocking his gun away. John gasped at the dilemma, our brave protaganist pinned beneath his mortal enemy, a knife blade to his throat, and then nearly cheered when the hero went into action. However, his cheer was stifled into confusion when the "action" in question was leaning up to kiss the villain, who returned it with a fierce passion. The knife never moved, but the two began passionately making out, hands clawing and eyes blazing.

Karkat looked smug as he turned to John "See, this whole ti-"  
But he was cut off.  
"I get it!"  
"Wuh? You get fucking what?"  
"This isn't an action movie at all-- It's a black-rom rom com, isn't it?"  
"...You can tell?"  
"Yeah, I get it! This whole thing wasn't a hero getting his girlfriend back from a bad guy, it was two, um, kismesis, right? Two kismesis fighting over the same matesprit."  
Karkat stared at John in stunned silence, a hot red blush rolling across his cheeks. John just stared back, triumphant-- It might have taken a blatant demonstration, but he finally figured it out! That was black romance!  
And that is when Karkat leaned in to kiss him, and when those cool black lips met his, John nearly forgot his new lesson and just decided to enjoy the moment.

 

\------

 

Terezi and Jade were staring at him-- Well, Terezi was sniffing in his direction, close enough. Dave just put the pencil down as though he hadn't really done anything special. On the page in his lap was a nearly perfect image of the room they were in, cleanly shaded and with crisp clean lines.

"Uhm, I hate to be cliche, but... Who are you and where's Dave?"  
"Seriously Dave! I thought I actually had the upper hand in our art battles, but this..." Terezi put on a fake pouting face, and Dave raised both hands in defeat.  
"Look, making something as conksuck terrible as SBaHJ takes a lot of work, OK? It takes real effort to create such a masterpiece of failure. So... Yeah, when I'm not using a gogdamn mouse, my drawings are fine. So there."  
Jade just looked at him in admiration-- She had used a drawing modus for quite a while now and still didn't match that. "That's... Actually really cool!"  
Terezi grinned widely "Alright, that's it-- Time to get serious and crush your cool behind!"

Dave sighed-- This was going to be a long art jam. Hopefully they would be able to shoo Jade away inconspicuously soon enough.

 

\-----

 

Karkat had just begun nipping at his jawline with razor-sharp teeth, eliciting a short moan from John, when the DVD came to a loud halt as the title screen popped back up with a fanfare.  
"Oh, uh... Damn, we missed the ending." John slowly, regretfully, disengaged himself from the troll, both of their faces red and hot, a pleasent buzzing in the back of his head and on his lips.  
"Yeah, well, we saw all the good bits-- That one ended pretty poorly, actually. So, um... Another?"  
John grinned and nodded "Sure!"  
As Karkat sorted through the stack, John touched his fingers to his lips and thought for a second. He hadn't been sure about this before, but that kiss... It was good. He was happy. And when Karkat started swearing about the lack of a good next film, he got an idea...

"Um, Karkat?"  
"Stupid fucking meteor, no good flicks on hand... What?"  
"I think I have a movie you might like."  
"Oh gog not more Cage..."  
"No! Actually, I think I have a movie about kismesissitude..."  
"Wait, a HUMAN movie about troll romance? Yeah fucking right, and my horns are a foot long."  
John laughed at that, getting a scowl from Karkat "No really! Just... let me get it, OK?"

John left for only a few moments, hovering at top speed to his room and back- It was honestly no time to keep the powers tame, time was of the essence tonight. He comes back, screeching to a halt, with a case in his hand, grinning proudly.  
"Is... Is that Human George Clooney?"  
"Just normal George Clooney, but yeah!"  
Karkat looks away for a moment, obviously hiding some kind of reaction before he turned again  
"Well that's no fucking good, I've seen every damn Troll George Clooney movie. Hell, they're in the stack."  
"Bet you don't have this one-- I checked."  
And then John reveals the cover to the confused troll.  
"...Ocean's 11? Never heard of it."

 

\-----

 

Dozens of sheets of paper later-- Roughly a third of them were damp, red, and bore art that could make anyone cringe-- Everyone was finally content with all the finished art. Dave was feeling a little hot under the collar, truth told- Jade had insisted on sitting practically in his lap and having him help her draw, which gave him ample time to, like it or not, get a look at her. The scent of her hair was fruity, and distracting, but not nearly distracting enough to keep him from noticing that not only was Jade's shirt very tight, she wasn't wearing a single thing under it. The way the fabric crept across her chest when she sketched a long stroke was drawing his eyes, and once again he thanked Gog for the shades.

Finally, she stood and started putting away the pages, and Terezi stretched out on the bed, her tight black shirt rising off of her belly, and looked to him with a salacious grin.  
"So, Dave... Ready for our other plans, h3h3?"  
He nodded, hoping Jade didn't catch the implications. "Yeah, one sec."  
He stood up as well, cracked his neck, and turned to Jade.  
"So, sorry to give you the boot, Jade, but me and Terezi have some business."  
"Oooh, OK!" Jade just smiled and walked out the door, letting it close behind her. Dave let out a massive, terribly-uncool sigh of relief that set Terezi into another giggling fit, which made him smile, honestly but with closed lips. She reached her hands to her hips and slowly worked her way out of her shirt, revealing modest breasts with three concentric rings of clear raised skin where he expected to see nipples. It wasn't really off-putting-- He was too cool for that. If anything, it was exciting-- Unique, unlike his forays into porn back home. He stripped away his own shirt, throwing it towards Terezi (who immediately took a lick at the red sleeves), smiled broadly, and walked to the bed.

Which is when someone knocked on the door.  
Dave groaned and turned back to 'Rezi, gesturing for his shirt back. She stuck out her tongue and covered herself with it, pointing him to the door. Dave thought this was just about the worst timing possible, but complied anyways, opening the sliding door to reveal Jade, who had joined the shirtless brigade. Her breasts were a bit larger than Terezi's, and her nipples pointed at him. He gaped for a moment before she leapt forward, kissing him firmly and pushing him back towards the bed, while Terezi laughed and laughed.  
The door slid shut.  
click

 

\-----

 

The credits are rolling, and Karkat is still just staring at the screen, before he turns to John, who is smiling his usual doofy grin, only magnified.  
"OK, so, let me make sure I've got this straight. The guy who owned the gambling-house..."  
"Bendict."  
"Right, right. Him and the old dude in the creepy robe..."  
"His name was Reuben, I'm pretty sure."  
Karkat scowls and points one sharp-tipped finger at him. "Stop fucking interrupting me Egbert! So Reuben and Benedict used to be Kismesis, and Reuben tries to rekindle it by having Human George Clooney's character..."  
John tries not to laugh as he butts in again "Just normal George Clooney, and his name was Danny Ocean! It's in the title, Karkat!"  
"Gogdamnit what did I say about interruptions!?"  
"Sorry."  
"Damn straight you're sorry. So, like I was saying, Reuben hires Ocean to rekindle his old Kismesis with Benedict, who is actually hooking up with Ocean’s old Matesprit? So he decides to rob the shit out of Benedict and take his Kismesisstude for himself, by taking back his Matesprit?"  
“Yeah, at least, that’s what I got out of it!”  
“And you figured this shit out how long ago?”  
“Ummm... However long this movie was, and about ten minutes! It was right after I figured out the whole Kismesis thing.”

Karkat is staring again, at him now, but this time, the look in his eyes isn’t any kind of shock or confusion-- It’s a bit of respect, mingled with what John thinks might be lust- This is proven when the troll leaps at him, pushing him into the back of the couch. He gasps as sharp teeth go right back to where they had been before, at the join of his neck and jaw, making him a bit giddy, kind of faint, and very nervous-- This was all new, and a little confusing, and Karkat was going so quickly that John didn't have any chance to act in return.

Flustered and shaking, John went to push Karkat away- Just long enough to get his bearings. But rather than move, Karkat moaned and shook, pulling his mouth away to glare at him. John was confused until he realized what he had done-- He had missed, and touched Karkat's horns. Their surface was smooth but ridged, and apparently pretty sensitive. This brought a smile to John's face, which just made Karkat scowl more before he dipped his head down to bite and kiss more. Now he had a way to fight back.

And fight back he did, fingers running across horns slowly at first, nervously prodding and touching. But even this fumbling made Karkat react amazingly, making soft little noises that John wished he could just keep hearing, both of their bodies shivering with the strange new experience. They continued like this for a time-- John getting into the groove of stroking and caressing the horns, Karkat mixing his nibbling with kisses and outright biting-- Always _just_ shy of drawing blood. Soon enough John was gasping too, and Karkat rolled his hips against him, something very firm pressing in between them. John closed his eyes, steeling himself to reach down with one hand...

 

\-----

 

Dave was actually showing his surprise for once-- Hard not to, when one of your closest friends had you lip-locked, her (surprisingly) nice rack pressed into your bare chest, her tongue trying to wrestle his into submission. Eventually he just rolled with it-- No sense in wasting opportunities. His arms came around the slim girl, taking control of things as he pulled her back to the bed, rather than being pushed. Dave Strider does not let anyone push him... For long, at least.

Terezi leaned over and sniffed curiously at them as they slowly slid onto the flat expanse of cushon and sheets., making Dave a little uncomfortable- After all, he didn't come here to mack on Jade. But when they pull apart, Jade's cheeks flushed and both of their glasses askew, Terezi apparently has other plans. She leans forward and starts licking at the pale girl's skin, making her giggle and jump with a start.

Soon those giggles turned into faint hums, and then into little gasps as Terezi makes her tonguing path across arms and shoulders, dipping from her collar to her breasts, teasing the strange nipples she found there. Dave watched this passively, suddenly very glad for the surprise, and for the cover of his shades. Finally, Terezi and Jade chastely kissed, which, oddly, sent the troll girl into a state near shock, body rigid, whimpering as her tongue met Jade’s for just a split second. She pulled away from the long-haired girl, panting, staring with blind eyes, sniffing at the air where Jade’s mouth hung open.  
“Oh wow, you’re so... red...”  
Dave blanched at this statement and facepalmed.  
“Oh Jegus. Here we go.”  
Terezi leaped onto Jade with ferocity, her long tongue snaking in to taste that glorious mouth-- Red tongue, red cheeks, red everything, on the inside, as Jade moaned and squirmed underneath her, barely able to keep up but desperately trying.  
Dave sighed, and leaned back to watch.  
“OK, that’s fine. I can just handle myself over here. Yup.”  
Surreptitiously, he hit the REC button on his shades and prayed he had enough drive space.

 

\-----

 

John leaned back and basked in the sensations, his head in the crook of the couch and one leg haphazardly draped off the side. Karkat had pushed him down rather than let him actually do anything, which disappointed him at first-- And then he felt those weirdly cool palms rubbing across his hips, leading a deep tingling senation in the wake, and he stopped caring and started enjoying it. He tangled one hand in Karkat's hair, loving how it was just as coarse and wiry as it looked, abrasive but almost in a tickling way. He let one finger lazily trace up and down a horn as the troll nipped and bit at his stomach-- It didn't hurt so much as it stung, in the same way that being right on the edge when he touched himself stung.

To his credit, Karkat was being surprisingly gentle, never breaking skin, his hand still working on the John's side and hipbone. So John looked down and summoned up his courage-- He wanted to be active too.  
"Karkat, I-"  
"Jegus Egbert, you even talk during? Come the fuck on."  
"No, I mean, I want to...."  
"What, come? That's the plan, fuckass."  
John blushed fiercely-- He hadn't been intending that, and he didn't expect such a bold statement.  
"Um, what I wanted to say was... Can I touch you?"  
Karkat flinched, but then looked away, a faint blush on his cheeks. "Y-yeah. Go ahead."

So John reached down and grabbed his shoulders, dragging him up the couch until they were face to face. He kissed Karkat, tongue moving out to meet the boy's lips, enjoying all of this-- The little gasps and moans, the moist contact of lip on lip, the electric feelings that ran through his whole body-- so much. He may have been confused before, and even worried recently, but now he was confident he could do this. He reached down and placed his hand flat on the troll's jeans, feeling something there that made Karkat hiss and twitch, something amazingly hard -- Even harder than he expected, something literally rigid, like...  
He stopped. "Wait! When you call it a 'bone bulge' you really mean it?"  
"Of course we did you blistering moron! What did you think we were doing, engaging in the goddamn art of human sarcasm?"  
"Oh wow. OK, sorry, just had to let that fact sink in."

He moved his hand again, and each stroke and palming stretch made his companion react with his whole body, shaking and letting out those wonderful sounds. John let himself get a little more bold, squeezing and moving his other hand behind Karkat’s back to keep him close-- This was very nice, very very nice. He laid a trail of kisses down the other’s cheek and neck and shoulders, before Karkat forced his face back up with a growl. John almost thought he had done something wrong, but when Karkat clamped their mouths together in a fit of passionate tongue-swept kisses, he realized he was doing everything right.

 

\-----

 

Jade finally squirmed her way out from under Terezi, who let out a sad whimper of loss before shrugging it off and getting up on all fours to prowl across the bed towards Dave. He smirked and leaned back, shutting off his glasses-cam before she got close enough to smell the light. He ignored the pain when sharp fingertips sank into his thigh through his jeans, near claw-like nails not quite piercing the skin. He even ignored the constant giggles from Jade as she watched the troll crawl up him, her hands straying to her chest. What he couldn’t ignore was when she leaned down to his chest and bit, hard, taking one sensitive nipple in her mouth and tearing into it. He let out a short grunt while red flooded into the corners of his eyes, and he tried to swat at her, but she simply slid off to his left and nipped at his side instead.

Soon this became a sanguine game of cat and mouse, Dave’s heart racing for reasons he didn’t quite understand as he chased her around the bed, wincing at each bite but thrilling every time his fingers managed to brush against her hair or her ass. Finally, blood streaming from a dozen marks and dull pressure in both his head and his pants, he hooked his fingers into her belt and threw her back onto the sheets, straddling her hips in an instant and looking down.  
She was smiling.

“Lost your cool over a few bites, eh Strider?”  
“Fuck you, ‘Rezi.”  
“Ooh, Mr. Coolkid! That sounds lovely!”  
He leaned down and smothered her snark with a kiss-- A mistake, considering what he had seen happen with Jade not that long ago. But when that hot black tongue snaked into his mouth, and those lips and razor teeth started sucking and scraping at him, he just enjoyed the sensations. It wasn’t that different from Time-- Don’t think too hard, ride the flow, and take every advantage you can find.

 

\-----

 

John was in a bit of a daze-- Everything below his waist felt molten, like he had taken a bath in the LOHAC, and he was face down in the couch’s corner, panting and trying to figure out where the past few minutes had gone. It was coming back, though-- The massive jolts up and down his spine as Karkat bit into his shoulder and stroked his ass through his jeans, before the troll finally got fed up with the slow pace and pinned him, stripping the Heir to his boxers and flipping him over.

Ever since, he had been unable to really describe what was going on-- It was all a blur of rough skin and teeth and claws, pushing and scraping and, on occasion, gently stroking. Soon though, all that got eclipsed by one thing-- The massive heat and pressure of something very hard rutting against his thigh as he gasped into the cushions.

He turned around-- Relishing the way that Karkat moaned as his leg and pants twisted hard against the troll’s bulge-- and looked at him. They were both red in the face, but Karkat was breathing much more heavily, and John was pretty sure he probably looked less focused than his companion.  
“Wow. OK, so... My turn?”  
“Your turn to what, fu-GOGDAMN!”

That was when John grinned, a glow on his hands, and lifted them both into the air before spinning them and pressing Karkat into the cushions with a mix of wind and his own weight. He started to grind against the troll’s leg, mimicking him, and he almost decided to stop with that-- The sensations were incredible, every push and pull of rough cloth dragging a gasp from his lips. But he was too kind to do that-- Karkat needed something as well, after all. So he moved his hand back down to continue stroking as he canted his hips, not sure which he liked more-- The rough sensations against his own erection, or the soft yet solid heat in his palm.

 

\-----

 

It was a whirlwind of clothes that made your average alchemizing spree look like a goddamn knitting party-- Something his sister would probably love-- but when it was over, Dave and both girls were completely stripped, ogling each other disconcertingly-- Or in Terezi’s case, taking this chance to just go tongue-crazy and lick everything in lack-of-sight. Dave was pretty surprised-- Jade’s normally baggy clothes had hidden a well-toned form, and Terezi was simply unique-- Body both slim and wide, hips like madness and legs for miles.

She had even managed to kick off the slacks without getting out from under him, which meant he had to spin himself on top of her to get a good look at the newly revealed territory. She was... Built mostly like a human girl, down here, although he doubted a human girl would have nearly-absent lips flushed bright blue, or thighs slick with teal fluids. He also doubted that a human girl would be laughing as she poked and prodded his dick-- Not that this was knocking him out of the mood, no sir, cool as a goddamn cucumber with his face full of alien snatch. A very lucky cucumber, whose closest female friend was sitting a few feet away touching herself and staring a hole through his hips.

Dave decided that this was time to get to work-- Can’t let Terezi win. He licks a slow path up her thigh, that almost sour liquid clinging to his tongue just like the irony clung to him-- He was in the middle of running his tongue across a girl whose entire life seemed to be licking things. SO ironic. His breath hitched and he nearly bit her when she started to lick directly-- Lips pursing against his thigh, claws digging into his ass and hips as her tongue just barely started to flick against the base of his shaft. He groaned and spread his legs a little to give her better access, and she did the same for him.

 

\-----

 

They were both standing, naked but quite warm, and John was staring at the other boy’s equipment. This was different. It wasn’t bad, but it was certainly a change of pace. He couldn’t help but compare his own erection-- Which was shockingly hard, feeling unlike any other time before this. His was longer, Karkat’s was thicker. His was smooth with a flared head, Karkat’s had bumps and ridges and ended in an almost cone-like tip. His had a faint curve, pointing at his stomach, Karkat’s had two heavy curves that ended up with it pointing straight up. But they were both rock-hard, and he reached forward, eyes glazed with fascination, to stroke this endlessly intriguing alien cock.

They both gasped-- Karkat was hissing through his teeth at the palm stroking him. But John was gasping in amazement.  
It really has a bone and wow it’s pretty darn hot compared to the rest of his MAN there’s already some sticky stuff on the tip, it’s like he’s already finished and fsdtglasd!!

The complete interruption of John’s ability to think: Brought to you by Karkat’s rough-skinned hand.  
John kept stroking, and so did Karkat, both of them dazed and shaking as they drew closer together out of instinct. John could feel pressure in his gut, his head fogging up, and he leaned forward to kiss Karkat. As their tongues and lips met he moaned, almost embarrassed at the sound he made. He was starting to feel a shocking tingle right under the head, every time Karkat’s fingers brushed past the tip, making him weak in the knees. They moved closer together, until they finally found the most comfortable position: Hands joined together, their dicks pressed against each other, both stroking faster and faster as they brushed against the other. John could not believe how good the little ridges and bumps felt as they rubbed against his smooth skin, and Karkat kept muttering something into his mouth about “soft”.

John was getting pretty close when Karkat went totally stiff against him, groaning loudly into his mouth as an absolutely ridiculous amount of cherry-red fluid, creamy and bright, splattered all over both of them. John couldn’t help but gape, the warmth spilling down his chest and both of their hands. Karkat was staring at him, hungrily, bulge still hard and looking like he wanted more. John got an idea, and nervously started lubricating his own shaft with the red material. Karkat stared.

“...Egbert, why are you rubbing my material into yourself?”

 

\-----

 

Dave Strider was a lot of things. But willing to take a finger up his ass with 0 prep was not one of them, as Terezi found out. He had been moaning hard and rutting his hips, really getting a feel for this and a taste for her, when he felt searing pain out back and responded by nipping at her thigh, hard. She yelped and they both pulled away. He glared, but she just seemed confused.

“Dave, what’s wrong? Am I not... Doing it right?”  
“Well gee, I don’t know, you tell me: Is sticking stuff up my keister with no lube “doing it right”?”  
“Wait, what do you mean no lube? We’ve been going at it for like 10 minutes!”  
“‘Rezi, I thought you already did stuff with Karkat! Assholes don’t do that!”  
“Of course they do!”  
“...Wait what?”

Jade seemed just as confused as he was, but Terezi finally got the explanation across-- Yes, apparently, it really does work like the for trolls. The brazen girl even kicked back on the bed, and spread herself to show them. Dave sighed. This had been an awesome start, but the alien anatomy shenanigans finally caught up with him. Oh well, price you pay for going in unprepared-- Should have asked the techhead for some troll porn earlier, gotten this shit handled.

But when Jade pulls him aside and kisses him again, furious little pecks all over his face and mouth, tongue lapping at Terezi’s teal juices on his lips and chin, he decides he doesn’t care about troll anatomy right now-- Good old humanity can provide. He pulls Jade down to the bed, scooting up to the pillows by the headboard so they have a better angle. He sits back and pulls her onto him, loving every second of this kiss- Sappy, yeah, but fuck it. Jade was just too soft, too geekily adorable, and far too close to his junk.

Eventually the warm softness of the kiss was replaced by a fierce wet heat at his hips, and he looked Jade in the eyes. She was pressing against him, making them both blush.  
“Last chance. You sure about this Harley?”  
She stuck her tongue out and snatched his glasses off in a single wipe. He grimaced as the light hit, but found it easy to ignore the pain when he saw the look on her face clearly-- A bit dreamy, a little confused, but supremely happy.  
“Hurry up, Strider.”

 

\-----

 

John Egbert was so happy he couldn’t really understand it. Everything was going very nicely-- They had even managed to avoid a silly biology problem thanks to awareness! That’s cool! Speaking of cool, he was really concerned about how different Karkat’s body was, temperature-wise-- He could have sworn a guy would be warmer when you had two fingers sunk to the hilt in his rear end. But as his fingers stroke and ply against the amazingly wet and tight muscles, bringing keening moans and sharp panting cries from the troll, he realized the boy could be ice cold or boiling hot, and either way? This would still be one of the greatest things.

Karkat had leaned over one arm of the couch to show him what he meant about “you won’t need lube”, and John had naturally taken advantage right away. Apparently he was doing well, because right when he was getting into the groove, a few minutes after he started, Karkat looked over his shoulder, eyes heavily lidded and teeth bared, stained with red-- He had apparently bitten into his own lip to keep from shouting.  
“If you don’t take your hands out and put your bulge in right now I will scream so help me HHNNG!”

John had decided it was easier to just obey the order than it would have been to listen to him rant. Cool slick flesh tugged on every inch of him as he sank in, ever-so-slowly, both of them groaning until his hips met Karkat’s ass with a soft pap. His eyes crossed as he tried to keep focus, his legs shaking and it took all his effort just to hold still. This was not actually necessary, he found out, because before he was ready to move Karkat had started thrusting back against him, hips rolling as he ground against the couch in front of him and the ectobiologist behind him. He couldn’t even think anymore, so he just matched the thrusts, knees digging into cushion, the very tip of him hitting something deep inside his companion.

The strong bolts and shivers started to roll through him, and he finally felt the flesh around him warm, friction and his own leached heat providing what Karkat’s weird blood couldn’t. He almost missed the cooler sensations, but then Karkat let out the most unbelievable sound and he suddenly didn’t mind at all. His hips were shaking, his eyes fluttering, and he couldn’t hold on for much longer, but then Karkat spoke up, voice muffled by fabric.  
“You are not finishing until I get a second shot in, Egbert. No way.”  
“Bu-! Kar, I can’t...”  
He felt a claw haphazardly swipe at his chest, and he sucked in his stomach to let it pass. “Don’t call me goddamn Kar, the fishfuck does that.”  
John finally got what was going on and grinned, almost delirious with his impending release. “Geez Karkat, for being on bottom you sure are pushy!”  
“Oh fuc... Fuck... Aaaahh!”  
He positively screamed, collapsing into the crook of the furniture, spraying wildly across everything, that wonderfully creamy red, at the same time that John lost it-- His vision went totally white as every inch of his body tingled and shook, sensations completely overwhelming him as he finished inside.

 

\-----

 

He didn’t moan when she lowered herself onto him. He didn’t shudder or shout or react at all, and he _most definitely_ did not wrap his arms around her and bury his face in her hair and whisper her name over and over in a shaky, cracking voice.  
Got it?  
Good.

 

Her smile only got wider, leaving a trail of warm kisses up and down his chin, every spot she touched growing hot and tingling. The warmth of her pussy wrapped around him was insane, almost scorching-- And that’s considering how often he went commando in LOHAC. She started to move, slow and steady, rising and coming down with a regular beat. He went to meet her with his own rhythm, but couldn’t- her hands were digging into his hips, pinning him.  
“Oh no. My turn, alright?”  
The look in her eyes and the sensations as she rode him meant that he had no response at all, just relaxing and letting the quirky girl run the show.

Jade gasped and arched her back as something rough and wet and shockingly warm came between them, coarse hair brushing against their stomachs. Terezi had brought her head between them and began lapping at the point where they joined, licking up every bit of blood from Jade’s first time. She shuddered and started to giggle, low and long, as she backed off.  
“Sorry. I... Had to. Mmmmh...”

Dave shook his head, Jade laughed, and then they looked back to one another.  
“Ready?”  
He smirked, the inevitable line ready at hand. “Where doing this.”  
She smacked him upside the head, and he responded by pushing her hands away and taking control for a moment. She gasped, her response caught in her throat, and then with a throaty little moan started to match him. Neither one of them was going to last long, he could tell-- She was quaking like a leaf, his hips were burning, and both of them were gasping and moaning just as much as they were breathing.

They made it count though-- His lips on her breasts, her tongue sliding against the edge of his ear, their hands roaming and squeezing. He could hear Terezi moaning off to the side, but that was secondary to what was in front of him, on him, all around him. It wasn’t very long until they both completely went over the edge, eyes going terribly wide, suddenly becoming perfectly still as she clenched around him and he pulsed inside her, releasing shot after shot with one long groan.

 

He only had a few seconds to enjoy himself before Jade was wrenched off of him with an “Eek!” of surprise, replaced by ‘Rezi’s leering face.  
“OK Jade, you pin his shoulders and sit on him, it’s my turn. H3h3h3.”  
As his vision was blocked out by luscious ass and his hips suddenly swaddled in rough skin that was even hotter than the last, Dave realized this would be a _long_ night.

 

\-----  
John stared up at the ceiling as Karkat curls around his side, both of them basking in the very comfortable afterglow of an intensely nice first time-- He just had to do something to make it perfect. Oh! He had just the thing. Really manly characters always had a pet name for their lover...  
“That was really awesome... Kar-Kar.”

The troll turns and stares, his eyes brimming not with pleased tears or joy, but with renewed rage.  
 _ **“...what.”**_  
\-----  
You are KARKAT VANTAS. And that was the last fucking straw.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO sorry this took so long! I hope it pleases! :D  
> Within the next week or so, a side-story that takes place the "morning after" this chapter will go up as a sequel in this 'series', and then work begins on Chapter 5-- The start of the flashbacks!


End file.
